STILL ME AFTER LOSING (ALMOST) HALF OF ME

Since I met my goal weight  (I actually dipped under it by about 7 pounds and then gained back 3) - more people have been commenting about how I look.  I take it as confirmation that the weight goal I set is correct as most people are saying how "tiny" I look.  In a world full of women trying to wear size 2-6, I seem to be around a size 10 and apparently look good at this size.

I say apparently because, as odd as it may sound, I thought I looked pretty good when I was 135 pounds heavier. I mean. I know I was obese, but somehow I just never thought I looked especially bad.  I have shown my "before" photo to a couple of people at work who didn't know me before my weight loss and they were so shocked.  Then I can see it, as if through their eyes - the huge difference in then and now.  But in my mind; in my memory I feel pretty much the same.

Don't get me wrong.  This has been life changing in so many ways and I am glad I did it and believe I will maintain my healthier weight.  However - I am not changed.

We celebrated our 29th anniversary this week.  I put a photo from our wedding up on my other blog. When I looked at that picture,  I can honestly say I don't know how my size now compares to then.  I guess it is a form of body dismorphia that I can't grasp my own appearance as others do.  My wedding dress is stored in the closet and I think I will take it out and try it on!  That will tell me something, for sure.

I know many women dislike this and that about their appearance, and I have not loved all of me all my life.  I am lucky, though, that I was never obsessed with my faults and flaws and now that I have exchanged a lot of pounds for a lot of baggy and saggy bits I can accept the exchange and carry on.

TRAVELING SLIM

I went on a trip which involved 3 airplane rides.  It is the first timeI traveled since I lost 130 pounds and boy is it a different experience. This time it was my luggage that was overweight!

 When I traveled by air I was never shaped so that I had to request a seat belt extender.  I did prefer being able to lift the arm between the seats to give my bottom more room.  Which was fine on a plane with no one next to me or a family member who didn't mind sharing a little extra space.  But there were a number of flights in my life where I was very crammed in and working hard throughout the flight to keep myself in my own space.

The other thing is the tray table.  I could use it if the person in front of me didn't recline. I didn't have much room to maneuver, but I could get it down and put a drink and a book on it.

The hardest thing of all was walking down the aisle.  Not the walking kinda sideways part; I am pretty graceful no matter my size.  No, it was the fellow passengers watching me approach with that "don't even think about sitting next to me and taking up my space" look.

This trip no one glared at me, I had no problem fitting the seat, using the tray table and was, frankly, surprised by how roomy my seat was.

It was a revelation to me to feel comfortable on a plane. I made a pledge to myself that if I sit next to a large person in a future flight I will raise the seat divider and do my best to make the trip pleasant for us both.

NEW GOAL?

I have been amazed and humbled by how fast I have lost so much weight.  I have always had to work so hard for weight loss - no matter how low my calories and high my exercise level, it has always been a struggle.

October 2012 I had already lost almost 20 lbs pre-op.

Now not quite 9 months since surgery and I am down 126 pounds.  Today I updated my "weight loss ticker" and see I am 4 pounds from my original goal and am wondering what my new goal should be.

 I am already focused on my fitness, so that continues to be something I want to challenge.  I had a great meeting with a trainer and got a whole bunch of new stuff to work on.  Tom and I did  25 miles on the bikes today and it was so easy -  now I need to see if I can do more hilly rides to challenge myself (I had to walk the bike up one hill today...)

But the weight thing, I am not sure about.  I have not been especially weight focused through life because I have always "weighed more" than I look.  Maybe aiming for a clothing size?  I am not all that attached to being a certain size but it was a bit of a thrill to buy a pair of size 12 capri pants.  Most of the things I have been buying are 14 or a large, but I have a couple of mediums, now, too.   I was a 12 when I got married and even though size 12 is bigger now than it was then - hey - a size 12 is cool with me!

July 4, 2013

Some people do lose more weight after this surgery than they plan on.  I really hope I will not be one of the people who end up having an issue with that.  I am noticing every week now that I can eat more at a sitting and make an effort to add more fruits and veggies to my daily meals in addition to the required protein.

I try to add fat where I can, too.  Sounds funny in this fat phobic world, but I need more fat since I only absorb about 40% of what I eat.  Fat is good for hair, skin, digestion and vitamin absorption.

This morning we went out to breakfast on our bike ride and I had 1 egg with some cheese scrambled in and 2 1/2 slices of bacon.  I was amazed I could eat all that!  I couldn't last month.  So if I keep this up I should be able to stop the weight loss and start the life long maintenance of my new, healthier bod.

ONE HUNDRED AND TEN FREAKING POUNDS GONE!

I have never been a skinny girl but I have apparently lost the weight of one off of my body. Wow. 


This model claims to weigh 110 pounds - I lost the equivilant of her...)


I am now 6 and a half months post op from BPD-DS bariatric surgery. I have lost 90 pound post-op and a total of 110 pounds since mid-September when I found my doctors and was scheduled for surgery. They said "lose 20 pounds in the month before surgery" so I did. 

As mentioned in a previous post, I had my 6 month lab tests done and there were just 2 tweaks.  I added a separate Vit A supplement because even though my dose was big from the 2 supplements which included it, my Vit A levels were low.  Also, my protein levels needed to be boosted as my "pre-albumin levels were slightly low."  I had been aiming for 80 plus grams a day but now I aim for more like 100 grams.

I am tolerating more foods, but still not much volume.  For instance, I ate a string cheese stick and some almonds for lunch today.  For several lunches  latelyI have enjoyed little "Caprese" salads made of 2 oz whole milk mozzarella, a very small cut up tomato, fresh basil and olive oil.  It's the perfect size for my stomach.  My breakfast lately has been  between 1/4 and 1/3 cup Greek yogurt with 2 sliced strawberries. I snack on almonds, sunflower seeds and peanut butter stuffed celery.

I eat those little meals and snacks every two hours (which is hard to do some days at work) but it doesn't add up to 100 protein grams.  So I supplement - each mid-morning I have a 30 gram protein drink and mid-afternoon I have a 20 or 30 gram protein bar.  If I am coming up short at the end of the day, I do my best to add something else.

Between the little meals, snacks and my vitamins, I am "eating" all day!  I don't have much variety or opportunities to eat anything other than protein foods, but I am certainly not hungry!

6 MONTHS SINCE SURGERY - LABS

I am now at 6 months post op from my BPD-DS surgery.  I am not sure of my weight today.  I was last on the scale 4 days ago and was holding at 103 pounds gone. Weight loss has seriously sloooowed down.

On Tuesday they took 10 vials of blood for my 6 month labs.  The results so far are all excellent. My potassium supplement is working and my Folic Acid went way up, so the added B vits are working, too. I have stuck with my chewables and am not having any stomach upsets as long as I am careful to drink lots of water with the potassium.

Eating is getting easier.  I am much better at judging my capacity, though tonight we went out to celebrate my new job and I ate about 2 bites too many.  I knew it and ate it anyway.  Sigh.  I need to listen to myself and not be so concerned with "wasting" food in restaurants.  Anyway, it was delicious pancetta wrapped shrimp which was char grilled and taking 1 shrimp home would have been a better choice than the upset stomach I have now had for 2 hours!

My new job keeps me very busy and so it is going to be more of a challenge to eat during the day.  I am sure I will get a new routine  down with time.  I do think I will need to eat my solid breakfast at home and drink my protein drink at work.

Exercise is going well.  Still 3-4 trips to the gym and at least one bike outing each week.

SHOPPING FOR THE SMALLER ME

"My clothes were hanging off me, but clothes shopping was overwhelming now. How was I supposed to go into a store with four stories full of clothing that I could fit into? All my previous shopping experiences had taken place within in the confines of a 16-by-16 foot store with limited selection."

I ran across that quote from a woman who had weight loss surgery and has written a book about it.  I wish I had kept the link along with the quote - because now I can't find it.  Anyhow - I totally relate.

I have always loved clothes and have complained for years that the designers and stores must hate us fat people because if there is an ugly fabric to be found - that is what they make our clothes with.  And the embellishments!  They stick rhinestones and puffy paint and all kinds of crap on the awful printed shirts.  The theory being it takes attention away from the size?  Big + shiny is not a good combination, in my opinion.

Then I got too fat to buy clothes in the stores and had to resort to online shopping.  You would think getting too big for Lane Bryant might curb one's appetite - but it didn't. At least there was more variety to be found and I could sort through the dozens of websites and find simple, classic clothing.  Sometimes the clothes arrived and the fabrics were terrible.  (I had a couple of shirts that felt like paper products.)  I had to learn which brands had consistent sizing and put up with shipping and return costs, but all in all I have maintained a decent wardrobe. 

I have always been complimented on my style and appearance;  told repeatedly that I don't "look that big" which I always attributed to my careful wardrobe.  I wouldn't wear things when they got too tight and the online clothes were inexpensive enough for me to update frequently. 

Now I am in a position to change things up a lot.  I still have about 25 pounds to my goal weight and I will continue to have major problem areas which will need camouflage.  When I went out to "real" stores a couple of weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the selection and prices and unhappy to find that most of the clothes were too small, still.  Sizing has gone nuts in the last 20 years!

I did find a few things to buy and reverted right back to my "preppy" style.  For instance, today (it is 80 flippin' degrees here)  I am wearing navy capri's and flats and an orange and white striped boatneck tee.  Yesterday I wore black pants, a black and white stripped tee, a black cardigan and black & white flats.  I bought 4 classic cotton shirts in blue, red & white stripe, white and yellow.

I am now in the smallest size offered in my favorite online store, and the prices are so much less than in the mall, so I am ordering a bunch of tee shirts to wear with cardigans and capri's to get through the Spring and then take another foray into the mall.

My sisters sigh over the fact that I wear red and black and the occasional other color - and I always have. I felt a little defensive when I was showing off my new outfits because I feel like I have other colors, too - but they are right.  I wear classic styles and classic colors for the most part and will likely stick with them for my new wardrobe.

Do you have your signature style?  Or do you mix it up and follow trends?

102 POUNDS LOST



100 pounds of fat - kinda gross shown this way...

 Finally made it past the 100 pound mark - have I talked enough about it? Sorry.  These numbers start carrying so much importance.  When I was young and trying to look hot my best I always thought 125 was a magic number.  I made it and maintained it for only a few weeks and, surprise!, nothing magical happened.  The scale moved back to my more comfortable 130 and that was where I continued to work hard to stay.

Now my goal is to be at 150.  I think I can do that by summer based on the rate of weight loss I am currently experiencing.

I know 150 sounds like a lot.  I was present when someone I know was weighed at 150 and I gave her a little cheer.  She looked at me like I was crazy!  I explained that was my goal weight.  She understood but still acted like I was undershooting by a lot.

This weekend was a weird one.  I had two meals which were of my normal tiny portions but felt sick after.  Sunday I mostly snacked all day because I felt hungry but couldn't eat more than a few bites at a time.  I made an effort to get my vitamins in this weekend, but didn't make my protein requirements (meaning I was under 90-120g.)  Today, Monday, I am already feeling better and have gotten 50g before noon! 

Day by day.

BEFORE AND NOW PHOTOS

I say before and now because I have not reached goal weight - still have about 30 pounds to go!

Spring 2012

                                                                        
                                                                           Spring 2013

STALLED ON THE BRINK

For two weeks I have been waiting for those 2 pounds to drop.  When that happens,  I

will have lost 100 pounds since I started my BPD-DS journey.

It has come to this.  I have stalled.  It always happens.  It happens to most people on weight loss plans.  Our bodies settle in, find equilibrium or whatever it is called.  That and I am probably eating too many carbs. 

I love fruit and have gone from eating very small amounts of grapefruit or berries a couple of times a week to munching on grapes and mango and even some kiwi. Sigh.

I also bought some whole wheat bread for my daughter when she was home and ate 2 pieces of it, toasted, with peanut butter and honey.  Now the bread has been sent to live in the freezer until the next time she comes home.

Further transgressions came in the form of Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds from Sprouts.  Even though I only had 5-8 per day, they are now banished. I bought them after I tasted a sample, then I checked out the nutritional info on the website and there is more added sugar than I expected considering the taste and that it is made with dark chocolate.  A deceptive little treat.

The last sin against my low carb diet is - I made risotto.  And it was good.  I could only eat about half a cup of it, including the added chicken and arugula - but we are talking white rice here. 

So for the past two weeks all I have lost is more hair! 

I have learned my lesson - back to logging all my meals and snacks on Sparkpeople. I'll hit the scale again next week.

STOP FRETTING OVER FAT - SUGAR IS THE KILLER

Dr. Nancy Appleton, author of Suicide by Sugar, actually lists 146 reasons why sugar is ruining your health. Here are just a few of them:

(1) Sugar is a cancer cell's favorite food. Even without having cancer, we all have a few cancer cells floating around.

(2) Sugar creates glucose spikes that force the pancreas to produce insulin more often and beyond it's normal capacity. This wears the pancreas down, limiting insulin production that leads to diabetes. Type II diabetes is insulin resistance, which is preceded by metabolic syndrome at least partly attributable to high sugar intake.

(3) A depleted pancreas can't provide sufficient proteolytic enzymes to bust open cancer cell walls and render them defenseless from the immune system's killer cells.

(4) Processed sugar and fructose are stripped of all mineral content and wind up leeching minerals from our bodies, including our teeth. They also inhibit mineral absorption, including magnesium. Magnesium is a commonly deficient and vitally important for over 300 metabolic processes.

(5) Sugar is addictive. It stimulates central nervous system neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin, giving you a pleasant buzz to crave more and promote overeating of processed foods.

(6) Many nutritional experts attribute the rise of obesity and cardiac problems to higher refined carbohydrate and sugar consumption. And the condensed fructose in HFCS is absorbed first by the liver, which cannot metabolize it all and has to store accumulated fructose as fat creating fatty liver.

Obesity, diabetes, and heart disease became epidemic after low and no fat diets were introduced while sugar and HFCS were increased in processed foods and beverages.

Chobani Blueberry Greek Yogurt

When manufacturers took out the fat from many of our foods, they added sugar to make up for the flavor and texture that was lost.  For example, (and this is a great illustration) read the labels on the non-fat yogurts we all think are so healthy.  They are full of sugar!  Just try to find a flavored yogurt on the market that has little or no sugar...

And honey?  That's sugar, don't let the name of the sugar fool you.  There are now dozens of names for sugars.  Read the Carb portion of the label to get the totals,  the ingredient list can be misleading.

5 MONTHS POST - OP BPS-DS WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

Or maybe some sugar free protein ice cream...

I am now at the 5 month mark and have lost so much more weight than I expected in this time frame.  I am down nearly 100 pounds already. I really didn't expect this.  My weight this month has been slower to come off - in fact it bounces up and down a bit but I think I will make it to the 100 pound mark by the end of the month or at most the first week of April.
I am going to the gym 3-4 times a week and have been going on weekend bike rides.  I am walking most weekdays at lunch for 10-20 minutes.  Hurray Spring weather.

I have been bad about logging my food for the last few weeks - but good about my vitamins and water.  The potassium supplement is still awful and I have missed it a few days here and there due to my desire to avoid gagging memory lapses.  I will do my next set of labs in late April.

I am experiencing hair loss.  I noticed about a month ago that the hair loss was creeping up.  I had a hair cut and my stylist confirmed it.  I am lucky that it is pretty evenly distributed and not leaving bald spots.  I take the appropriate supplements and will continue to use Nioxin shampoo - it is just part of the deal for over half of us who have weight loss surgery.

I calculated my BMI and I am very close to moving out of the "obese" category and into the "overweight" one.  I suspect I will never get into the normal range but that's okay with me - the trainer at my gym is borderline "obese" according to BMI and I wouldn't mind looking like her one bit!

4 MONTHS POST - OP WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

Next week I will be 4 months out from my surgery. I basically feel much more "normal" in that I am not so tired, I am exercising and I can eat a larger variety of foods.  My weight is already down 63 pounds since the surgery and 83 total.

What follows may be TMI for many people, but as I know I have readers looking for info on the post-op experience from the BPD-DS, I may get a bit personal!

I had purchased the 60 day DS kit of vitamins and recommended supplements from Vitalady before the surgery, but whenever I tried to take them I threw up.  The chewables have gotten me through as I healed but I am trying out the "real" stuff this week.   I have 4 packets to take each day, they need to be taken with food in my stomach (I learned that lesson the hard way when I waited too long after dinner to take them the other night.)  Since they are capsules and tablets of all sizes and shapes, it does take many, many sips and swallows to get them all down.  Difficult to manage.  Then comes all the burping and stomach discomfort. Everyone says it gets easier and I am counting on that but I really miss the ease of the chewables!

My doc had me go back to the lab to re-test all the areas where I was low, especially the potassium and I am all good now!  In fact, I went in on Saturday morning, sailed through the lab quite quickly, walked over to radiology and lucked into a walk-in appointment for my mammogram.  Wow - what a great difference having smaller and less dense breasts makes for that particular annual event! 

I am adding  (I can't believe I am saying this knowing how hard it is to take all the stuff I am taking now) a pro-biotic to my regimen to try to get my bowels in order.  I know that all the diarrhea I have been experiencing is not good for maintaining my good nutrition levels and I have read that the pro-biotics can help. I am not sure what is causing the bowel issues.  I keep my dairy pretty low.  I am afraid it may be the salads which is sad because I so enjoyed having them.  I promised myself I would not have one this week to test it out - so we'll see.

Otherwise, I am tolerating meats much better, I even had some thin slices of rare skirt steak the other night.  Eggs still make me gag as do homemade protein drinks.  I need to be VERY mindful when I am eating to go slow.  I usually violate this when I am eating at my desk at work - I get pain from stomach to throat which feel like the food is stuck.  It takes 15-20 minutes to subside. If it happens at home I can lay down which helps.

My portions are still in the 1/2 cup per meal range so I rely on high protein snacks to boost my protein up to the 100 g range each day.  I will post some food logs later in the week to show what I am eating and how it all adds up.

CLAVICLES

I was washing the dishes tonight and saw my reflection in the window.  I could clearly see my clavicles.  I have not seen them in years.  They aren't too pronounced yet - but clearly there.

Wow.

ONEDERLAND



Not past this sort of attitude - but on my way...

 My body is in onederland.

That is fat speak for making it out of the 200 pound range into the 199 and lower range! 

It is the promised land for many of us.  And a place I have not seen since the early 1990's.  Now let's see if I can make it to a weight I have not seen since the 1980's...

A COMPLIMENT?

I went to a meeting last night for the new business I am starting.  I saved a seat for my friend and was keeping an eye out for her arrival.

I missed seeing her come in the door but saw her approach from the other direction.  Apparently she didn't recognise me when she came in.  I asked her if I really looked so different - she gave me an "are you kidding me?" look.

It is hard to see it in ourselves.  I certainly see it in my clothes,  most of which are hanging off me or new.  I feel it when I am putting lotion on after a shower; seems like every week I feel new bones emerging.  I even noticed that my behind hurt after a long drive - that big ole' cushion is missing!

But to look so different that someone who has known me for 10 years had trouble picking me out in a crowd?  Wow.

AN OLD LOVE IS BACK IN THE DIET

One of the many things I did to prepare for my weight loss surgery was to get off the prescription drugs I had been taking for atypical migraine and for high blood pressure.  Those medications restricted me from eating grapefruit - which I have always adored.  So for about 13 years I have not had grapefruit - until today. 

I was in the produce section of the store and saw these little cartons of red grapefruit (unsweetened) and it suddenly came to me that I could eat it again!  I bought one little container to see how I tolerated it, and it was heaven.  I thought about it all day and stopped on the way home and bought a big container - equivalent to 10 grapefruits. 

I just had some more for dessert!

HURTS SO GOOD



None of these beautiful butts are mine!!

 I went to my new gym -  Club One Pleasanton - this morning to try the  Barre class.  I have spent the rest of the day sore and hobbling a bit...not a class for the arthritic knees.  But I did it.  I adjusted as best I could and made it through the entire class. 



No wonder I am sore...



The instructor, one of the owners of the gym, complimented me on the flexibility portions and I explained about the cranky old knees.  She said it varies each time and so there isn't always so much balancing on one leg, so I will be back. 

I am also looking forward to meeting the trainer, Jesse, who everyone raves about. He works kind of regular business hours so I am not sure when I am going to be able to catch up with him...



Oh my - I just lifted my arms up and they are so sore!  Going back tomorrow...

LOTS TO CELEBRATE

I was reading around on the weight loss surgery sites over the weekend.  It is amazing how many people who have had surgery in the past 3 months and how differently they are doing.  Somehow I missed that when I was researching the process. 

One woman wrote about how much pain she still has after a month - I had none after a week.  Another wrote out her daily food log and after 3 weeks she is eating practically normally - including beef ribs.  A bite of beef puts my stomach into a knot and I am 8 weeks out.  I noticed a post from someone about how great brie cheese is - well, I loved it going down but the "back end" was anything but great!

I am just happy that I have made it through the holiday season - made wonderful meals for my family and ate at the table with them.  We dined out and I ate my little portions without it being a big deal.  I still made cookies and desserts and, my favorite,  "Monkey Bread" without eating any of it. 

I have lost 65 pounds since September, I am into some 1X  clothes and practically everything I was wearing in September has been taken in or donated away.  My body looks alarmingly different and I hope that exercise will help tighten and lift things.  I need to buy new Spanks because my current pair are too big.  And new bras because I can't fill in the ones I have!

While my husband considers it a waste to go out to celebrate New Years because I can't drink or eat much - I know there is a lot worth celebrating for my health and my looks and the benefits to both in the year ahead.

GIVE IT A REST

It's been a bumpy ride for the past month.  My healing stomach is not happy about most things I put in it and suddenly the day before Thanksgiving it decided it didn't want ANYTHING in it.

Doctors advice - just give it a rest.  So 24 hours with nothing - yes, on Thanksgiving - and then sips of tea and juice for 24 hours then try some chicken broth.  So far those 3 things are the only things that don't make my stomach cramp.  But I keep trying clear and blended soft things.  Am I worried about my lack of protein and nutrition in general?  Yes.  Can I do anything about the state of my stomach?  No. Got to give it time.

If I believed in a higher power that wished to teach me a lesson, I would say this is one of humility.  I went into this with an attitude that I would just sail through the recovery steps.  Clearly not happening!  So I must back myself off my expectations and do what I can. There is no point in forcing anything in this process and if I am the oddball that can't eat an egg or tolerate protein drinks 4+ weeks out, I need to find what I can tolerate and eat until then.

What I am doing is walking more, and using some small hand weights for upper body strength training.  I am working pretty much full time again. 

TURNING THE CORNER - POST-OP DAY 13

Okay now.  I feel like I may just make it after all.  First of all, I had managed to misunderstand the instructions about taking the antacid medicine and should have started it right away.  Oops.  The first time I took it I felt terrible, but now that I have taken it for 4 days - well, it may be the reason I feel so much better, or it may be because it is just 4 more days into the healing process.

Today is the first day I have managed all of my fluid and 46 oz of protein.  Whoo-hoo.  I would still rather not eat at all, but I am doing it.  In a couple of days I will try adding in some of the whey protein again.