1 YEAR SURGIVERSARY

A year ago today I was in Mexicali, Mexico.  I was spending the night in a hotel after finishing some tests  Dr. Alberto Aceves was my surgeon.  He and all of his staff are very thorough, helpful and accessible.  The care I received was excellent and I would recommend the option of undergoing bariatric surgery with him in Mexico to anyone.
and interviews with the Bariatric surgeons at the Hospital Almater.

My experience with weight loss surgery has been chronicled here in the past year.  I did great in the hospital but after a week or or at home I started having some problems with tolerating foods.  I went as slowly as I could introducing different soft foods and then more options into my diet to meet my nutrition and protein needs - I had a difficult time for about 3 months but slowly found the foods and vitamins that worked for me.  There was, and in some ways still is, a certain sameness to what I eat each day.  I remained as patient as I could and put up with bouts of nausea and gastric distress when I strayed from what my body could handle. Having those outcomes in mind makes it a lot easier to stay on the straight and narrow - believe me!

My weight loss has been quite swift and I suppose to people around me, pretty shocking. My kids never knew me at the size I am now - for my husband it was a distant memory!

 It may seem like fast = easy.  In some ways I guess it has been.  When you have a physical barrier to overeating it does make it "easier."  Though I've worked  hard to do it right:  get my vitamins, protein, liquids and exercise - just like all the other times I have "dieted."  Except now this is my life and not a diet I can safely stray away from on a whim.  To maintain lifelong health - I have to stick with these requirements.

I am proud that I have done so well in this first year and I believe I can safely maintain my new found healthy weight and lifestyle.

I want to thank my good friend Christina for making this possible and all my friends and family who have been cheering me on!

STILL ME AFTER LOSING (ALMOST) HALF OF ME

Since I met my goal weight  (I actually dipped under it by about 7 pounds and then gained back 3) - more people have been commenting about how I look.  I take it as confirmation that the weight goal I set is correct as most people are saying how "tiny" I look.  In a world full of women trying to wear size 2-6, I seem to be around a size 10 and apparently look good at this size.

I say apparently because, as odd as it may sound, I thought I looked pretty good when I was 135 pounds heavier. I mean. I know I was obese, but somehow I just never thought I looked especially bad.  I have shown my "before" photo to a couple of people at work who didn't know me before my weight loss and they were so shocked.  Then I can see it, as if through their eyes - the huge difference in then and now.  But in my mind; in my memory I feel pretty much the same.

Don't get me wrong.  This has been life changing in so many ways and I am glad I did it and believe I will maintain my healthier weight.  However - I am not changed.

We celebrated our 29th anniversary this week.  I put a photo from our wedding up on my other blog. When I looked at that picture,  I can honestly say I don't know how my size now compares to then.  I guess it is a form of body dismorphia that I can't grasp my own appearance as others do.  My wedding dress is stored in the closet and I think I will take it out and try it on!  That will tell me something, for sure.

I know many women dislike this and that about their appearance, and I have not loved all of me all my life.  I am lucky, though, that I was never obsessed with my faults and flaws and now that I have exchanged a lot of pounds for a lot of baggy and saggy bits I can accept the exchange and carry on.

9 MONTH "SURGAVERSARY"

Today it is 9 months since I had my BPD-DS weight loss surgery.  I have lost 126 pounds and am 4 pounds from my original goal.  I think back to the day I went to Mexico and remember being excited - not nervous at all.  I was sure this was the right thing to do then and so grateful that I had the opportunity to have it done. (Thanks Christina.)

Tom and I went for a bike ride last Sunday and as we were leaving a neighbor I don't often see came over and asked if I was "disappearing". Like many others she asked how I was doing it and I said diet and exercise.  I feel right saying that - I am dieting and exercising.  The surgery was a tool.  My tiny stomach makes me eat less and I am very careful about what I eat.  I am more open with some people about the procedure and answer direct questions more factually - but for most people I simply say I don't eat much and that is the truth.

I occasionally want to say something to obese women I see, especially the ones out and about with their kids.  This has been such a liberation for me and I wish I could confer it on others.  I don't say anything to these women but I wish I could find a way to let them know the value of this, and if their insurance would cover it (unlike mine) urge them to consider it.  I wish I had been able to have it done years ago.

It is not easy.  There is no easy.  But as difficult as things are sometimes and as restrictive as my diet can be, I am so happy that I had the surgery.

ELASTIC, SPANDEX AND SLEEVES

I miss elastic waist pants. It was so much easier and faster getting in and out of the ladies room when that was my usual pant option. 

I know there is a lot of negativity around elastic waist pants - it's harder to recognise when you are putting on the pounds being the main objection; that they are not stylish being the second one.  For ease of wear - they were nice.  Now I have all kinds of fastening and buttoning and zipping everytime I make a trip to the ladies room. After so many years of slipping pants down and up in a single motion, it seems so time consuming.


Wish they would lengthen the sleeves!



I don't miss the limited clothing selection I had for years.  My daughter commented that she is enjoying seeing me express myself more through my clothes.  We went shopping together and I am getting more accustomed to having multiple departments to move through in search of things I need to fill in my wardrobe.  I don't really understand why there are so many departments with pretty much the same things being displayed, but I am getting used to it. 

I even bought a couple of pairs of work out pants at Costco.  Taking Zumba class is very different than just working out with weights and I need more supportive spandexy pants to sort of hold things in check.  New workout bras have helped, too.

My single frustration is the sleeves thing.  Losing over 100 pounds has left me in no position to leave my arms uncovered.  I have a lot of baggy, saggy skin going on and sleeves to my elbows are my preference.  For the gym I have worn shorter sleeved tee shirts, but I am not comfortable with the sleeveless or cap sleeve options most workout tops come in.  Luckily I have found a few long sleeved tops and shorted the sleeves for bike riding.  Gym wear is more challenging.

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

I have been getting such nice compliments on my weight loss lately from family (they can get their arms all around me when we hug) and acquaintances  (how much more gracefully I am walking and moving around) and co-workers ( how much skinnier am I going to get?)

Each time I am in a situation where someone notices and comments, I have the dilemma many of us who have used weight loss surgery to help our transformation have:  To tell or not to tell.

I did discuss the surgery with most of my family and with my co-workers.  They were the ones who would know I was gone for a week and going through recovery and with whom I wanted to be able to discuss the whole process.  The rest of the world - I don't feel the same obligation to discuss it.  I have lost and gained a lot of weight over the past 30 years and I didn't discuss the specifics - why now?

Of course, when asked point blank, I can't seem to manage a diversion (lie) so I explain the type of surgery I had.  I am not sure if those few people have taken it upon themselves to spill the beans to others.  For instance, I had not planned to tell the book club since I was not attending meetings for the several months during the time I had surgery - so I just returned about 60 pounds lighter. One member knows, I don't know if she told others.

No one in my neighborhood or grocery store or other local haunts has asked and I haven't told.  I think the reality is that most people don't even realize when someone else is losing weight - no matter how quickly.  At some point it registers but they don't have a sense of how long the weight loss has been in progress, so it doesn't seem unusual.  I have lost nearly 100 pounds since August - in 7.5 months.  But people didn't "see" it until just the last couple of months. 

I don't feel embarrassed by what I chose, I just know people can be very judgemental and I am not interested in experiencing that any more than I already have in my life.  I still have major restrictions on what I eat and how I have to support my nutrition, the additional tool I have used to get to this point is my business.

BRA SHOPPING - I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT

For the past month or so I have put off shopping for new bras.  As we know, gaining and losing weight are bra shopping occasions and I have lost a lot of boobage.

I went out this weekend and was professionally measured.  My bra size didn't change all that much, but I was probably wearing them too small in the first place.  I tried on about 15 bras at Penny's and not one fit.  I went down the mall to Lane Bryant and tried about 7 more.  None fit.

I was a distressed and sweaty person so I went home.

The reality is this.  I have a lot of loose, saggy skin hanging around my armpits. It needs to be contained.  And those padded, push up bras make my breasts look puckery.  Not a good look.  I like a simple, unpadded bra.  I don't care if my nipples might show.  When did everyone get all weird about nipples?

I was disheartened and tried to explain to my husband why I came home in such a state.  He was really sorry he asked.  He didn't want to think about the saggy, armpit skin thing.  Ever.

I braved another shopping trip this evening and got lucky at Kohls.  The key to dealing with sudden weight loss saggy stuff is an Olga bra. There were several of them that fit very well and managed to manage the flesh.  Plus they were BOGO1/2 off.  Nice since I suspect I'll need new ones again in a couple of months.

A COMPLIMENT?

I went to a meeting last night for the new business I am starting.  I saved a seat for my friend and was keeping an eye out for her arrival.

I missed seeing her come in the door but saw her approach from the other direction.  Apparently she didn't recognise me when she came in.  I asked her if I really looked so different - she gave me an "are you kidding me?" look.

It is hard to see it in ourselves.  I certainly see it in my clothes,  most of which are hanging off me or new.  I feel it when I am putting lotion on after a shower; seems like every week I feel new bones emerging.  I even noticed that my behind hurt after a long drive - that big ole' cushion is missing!

But to look so different that someone who has known me for 10 years had trouble picking me out in a crowd?  Wow.

MEDICAL STUFF



13 of these!

 My company switched back to Kaiser insurance and I signed up for a new doctor.  I couldn't believe my luck that among the 5 or 6 doctors taking new patients there was Dr. Vij - who specializes in obesity and nutrition!  I had my first appointment with him to see if he would do my periodic labs (every 3 months the first year for post -op weight loss surgery patients who have done the malabsorptive component.) I am 3 months post-op as of Wednesday!

He was great.  Understanding, knowledgeable and helpful.  He understood about the labs and was just wondering why I had gone to Mexico for Bariatric Surgery when Kaiser does it.  What?  I had been told for years by 2 different doctors that Kaiser didn't do weight loss surgery only "patient education" and liquid diet plans that aren't covered by any plans.  He was amazed and looked to see who my previous docs were - wonder if he will say something to them?

Anyway, had my blood drawn this morning - 13 vials of it. I had a student doing the draw.  He got quite a work out!  Results soon - looking forward to seeing if I am holding my own, nutrition wise.

FOOD NOW

I was on You Tube looking at some videos a friend directed me to - nothing to do with weight loss or surgery - but I saw there were also some videos done by weight loss surgery post-op people so I clicked over.  Guess those Internet cookies do hook people in...

Anyway.  there was a young woman talking about her experience 12 weeks out from surgery. She sounded very sad and I can relate.  While it is exciting to lose weight at such a fast pace, to hear the compliments from others - having your world turned upside down is difficult.  For many people, food is a pleasure.  Planning meals, cooking and eating is a big part of our lives. Those of us who indulge in too much food have a set of problems that people who can enjoy without going overboard don't have.

One of the little talked about effects of weight loss surgery is that you not only lose your appetite, you lose your enjoyment.  Things taste different, things you liked to eat not only don't taste the same they make you feel bad when you eat them.  And I am not talking about indulgences - I mean things like eggs or yogurt or chicken.

The young woman in the video was sad about this, worried that it wouldn't change back and she wouldn't achieve her dream of becoming a chef because of it. I worry , too.  I struggle to get the 800 calories a day I am supposed to be eating.  Most days I don't.  It is hard to eat when you feel bad and nothing tastes right. 

I went to the movies the other night and took a chance on a small bag of popcorn. I felt pleasure in food for the first time in 10 weeks.  It tasted good.  I nibbled slowly and made it through almost half the bag in the 3 hours I sat there.  I am not "supposed to" be eating carbs - but  it was worth bending the rules to know I could feel that pleasure again. Then yesterday I was cutting up a pineapple and I ate 3 chunks of it - oh, my.  It was so good. 

So the old pleasure is there to be had - right now not in the protein foods I need to be focused on, but it's there waiting for me to be healed and healthy again.

LOTS TO CELEBRATE

I was reading around on the weight loss surgery sites over the weekend.  It is amazing how many people who have had surgery in the past 3 months and how differently they are doing.  Somehow I missed that when I was researching the process. 

One woman wrote about how much pain she still has after a month - I had none after a week.  Another wrote out her daily food log and after 3 weeks she is eating practically normally - including beef ribs.  A bite of beef puts my stomach into a knot and I am 8 weeks out.  I noticed a post from someone about how great brie cheese is - well, I loved it going down but the "back end" was anything but great!

I am just happy that I have made it through the holiday season - made wonderful meals for my family and ate at the table with them.  We dined out and I ate my little portions without it being a big deal.  I still made cookies and desserts and, my favorite,  "Monkey Bread" without eating any of it. 

I have lost 65 pounds since September, I am into some 1X  clothes and practically everything I was wearing in September has been taken in or donated away.  My body looks alarmingly different and I hope that exercise will help tighten and lift things.  I need to buy new Spanks because my current pair are too big.  And new bras because I can't fill in the ones I have!

While my husband considers it a waste to go out to celebrate New Years because I can't drink or eat much - I know there is a lot worth celebrating for my health and my looks and the benefits to both in the year ahead.

6 WEEKS POST-OP REPORT

I recovered from my stomach upset over Thanksgiving, only to have it happen again, milder, the next week.  All the doctor can say is that it's healing and touchy. 

The guidelines given to me for what to add to my diet at what time period are out the window.  The very things listed to eat, they now say are hard on a healing stomach. Like yogurt, moist chicken and ground meats and eggs.  Eggs still upset my stomach, even when stirred into soup to make "Egg Drop Soup" which seems to be a big favorite for most post -ops. I just keep trying them every 3-4 days; get an upset stomach, rest it and then try again.

Don't know why I am having this trouble.  I have never had stomach issues with food, but my new stomach is a sensitive little thing.  I am monitoring my food on Sparkpeople and when I see I am low on calories and protein I bump it up.  Surprisingly, I can't tolerate protein smoothies, etc., but I can get down the Protein Hot Chocolate.  Not too sweet and the heat helps.

I seem to be a bit better day by day so I ordered some more "bariatric foods" which have the higher protein I need to help be get to the point that I can eat unprocessed foods for all my nutrition.  I tried to start the vitamin regimen this weekend but threw-up - twice.  So I am hoping the chewables I am taking will get me by until I can get onto the heavier doses.

By the way, I am down 35 pounds since surgery.  Seems like a lot - but it also seems like it should be more considering how little I am eating!!

DAY 8 - POST-OP FROM DS

When I went online looking for blogs and postings about recovery from Duodenal Switch surgery, I found big gaps in the reporting;  a couple of immediate post-op notes and then gaps lasting weeks or  months before more updates. 

Now I have an idea why that is the case.  I have been home for 3 1/2 days and it has not been great.  I mean, I am sooo glad I am home.  I was getting bored and a little melancholy in the hospital.  I under packed pj's and was tired of the smallness of the days.  It wasn't until I got home that I felt my first discomfort.  Not pain, there actually isn't much pain. (I haven't take pain med since the day I got home.)

No, it is more the discomfort of having to figure this all out for myself.  What can I eat, am I getting enough nutrition, am I drinking enough.  Then there is making food - finding out despite what the label claims, whey protein does NOT dissolve in hot liquid.  It forms tough little lumps - and down the drain with the chicken soup I made for lunch.

 I found out that decaf Earl Grey tea doesn't go down so well, but herbal cinnamon tea does. Oh, and jello pudding with added protein powder is good, but if you use a milk alternative like soy or almond milk?  It doesn't jell up very well. 

I will not go into detail, but then there is the whole liquids in liquids out thing - getting the intestinal plumbing to good working order can take months.  I have bloating and my back aches a bit, then it is relieved and then it builds up again. Not fun.

 I sleep well all night, I am still tired after doing stuff and nap during the day - totally unlike me. I did go into work for an hour or so today to survey the damage - not too bad...so I am not feeling pressure to go in for more than an hour or two until I feel stronger.

I managed to make a really nice dinner for my son and husband last night and didn't feel too bad about sitting down to my 1/4 cup of protein pudding.  The lack of variety gets to me after a couple of days and I need to keep looking for those alternatives to eat until I can move to the next phase. I am already looking forward to tuna - and I don't even like tuna!!