STEP 1 AGAIN

I mentioned in my main blog that I don't need to make a resolution to lose weight and get into shape - it holds honorary,  perennial status.

But I do need to have an approach.  January my goal is to get off and stay off sugar.  I started today.  My experience is that the physical "withdrawal" hits on day 2 or 3.  So I have planned to have some celery, carrots, nuts and popcorn on hand to nibble when the cravings hit.  I am also going to avoid the other bugaboos - like things made with white flour which can also set off those cravings.

My many years of experience tell me that after 5 days or so the sweets craving will subside and I can move to a new phase in my attack.  I am giving myself all of January to get my carby little  ducks in a row.  I have been pulling out veggie recipes and making meal plans.

I have a big clean out the pantry day planned, too.  My husband loves his sugar, but I can buy him things I won't be tempted by.  However, when the will power is low, I am known to go through the pantry and get creative.  So all the little leftover cookie makings will go out - the coconut, the toffee bits come to mind.

I am trying to get up the nerve to put one of those weight loss "tickers" on the sidebar.  I am not in the habit of revealing my actual weight.  Who am I kidding? I NEVER reveal my actual weight.  So we'll see about that leap.

FEELING GOOD

Last night I got home from work and was making my usual cup of decaf tea to unwind before going to bed.  I realized that if I knew how to whistle, I'd be whistling a happy tune.  I felt good.  I felt no pain.  I felt like myself again.

Now this may sound really lame, but part of it was because the back pain is gone and the tightness is going away - but it was also because I came home to a clean floor.  I took my time and didn't do anything strenuous, but I swept, vacuumed and mopped the floors.  The pleasure of the clean floors was equal to my pleasure of having no pain!

GOING UNDER THE NEEDLE

I posted about my back issues on Mrs. Brightside.

FLAT ON MY BACK

Too bad I can't work in this position!

Today was the first day I have been out of my house in 6 days.  Eight days ago I woke up with spasms in my lower back which evolved into sciatic pain.  I tried to just work through it - but gave in and took to the couch with a fist full of drugs.

This is the first time since 1995, when I injured a disk, that I have had a recurrence of the sciatica.  It was different this time which is why I thought I could just work it out...I suspect I made it worse. I am back at work today.  A bit hunched over and trying to find good positions to stand and sit throughout my shift.  The doc said it will take a couple of weeks before they will consider the next level of treatment, which is steroids.  I didn't need them last time, I hope I am better before then this time, too!

BUTTON, BUTTTON

I have not made a big effort to weigh in or measure myself in the past week.  I have focused on my diet, tracking my calories, and getting out to exercise.

Tonight at work I buttoned my vest for the first time in a few months.  It's  a bit close fitting, but it buttons and that is a big step forward!  Next step, into the smaller size they ordered for me in error. 

THANKS!

My e-mail is giving me fits - nothing will leave the outbox.  So I will just say thank you for your kind wishes and offers to kick my butt.

It is much too soon to say I have turned that corner, but I have easily made it through another day, eating healthy, logging my foods and though I did not go to the gym I did some aerobic housework and went up and down the stirs several times just for good measure.

I feel more light hearted today.

Thanks again!

CONSISTENTLY INCONSISTENT

In the past few months I have not been able to figure out why I have been so inconsistent in so many areas of my life - but mostly in the diet and exercise department.

I have tried a few different approaches.  I have tried to get to the bottom of my feelings or fears or whatever emotional roadblock might be in place.  I have paid attention to my hunger.  I have eaten intuitively...boy that was a mistake - my intuition is heavily into Haagen Daz!*   I discovered a new, fabulous line of whole grain breads and feasted on several loaves of them.  I went for several days eating only fruit, veggies and a protein drink.  That went well and I don't even know why I stopped doing that.

I am at the point now that my work clothes don't fit.  I had to order a couple of shirts to wear out and about because most of my remaining clothes are too tight.  Somehow the "shame" of that hasn't even motivated me.

Neither has being the one to pay $100.00 a month for my gym membership gotten me to the gym more frequently. 

One of the reasons I stopped posting is because I feel so foolish when I look back at my ever so hopeful new plans which have not lasted.

The thing is that I don't know what the heck is going on with me and why I am allowing all the hard work of 2010 to be lost.  I just know I have to turn this corner somehow.  I want my integrity back.  I want to do what I say I will do.



*  I know that is not actually the way intuitive eating works - I was joking...