I AM OFFICIALLY CRANKY

Now I am going to whine.  I have been really good on the diet. I took 2 days off but otherwise, no cheating.  I have made it through day 1 of this liquid diet. I am hungry but that is not why I am cranky.

No Advil. 

I am an Advil junkie.  I take the maximum allowed everyday; morning, noon and night.  By doing that I keep my arthritic foot happy and relatively unswollen and my knees creaky but not too painful.  Day 2 of no Advil and my head aches, my neck is stiff , my foot is ok, my knees are killing me. I feel like I have the flu or I was beaten with a stick.

I did take a some "natural anti-inflammatories" from the health food store - nuthin'.

I am sooo looking forward to the drugs following the surgery and I still have 4 days to go.  Boo hoo.

THE LAST CHEW

My dinner tonight will be the last one I chew - at least for a couple of weeks!  I am going to have salmon cooked on the grill and some zucchini.

Tomorrow I go off the 2 protein drinks and a "lean & green" meal to liquids only. The only positive thing I can say about this change is no more sweet flavored protein drinks.  I just don't care for sweet drinks and a month of them has been too much for me.

I took the opportunity to experiment with with different protein powder samples. Since protein supplements will be a lifelong commitment, I need to find what works for me. One I tried is "unflavored", though when I stirred it into V-8 it was pretty bad.  I can see stirring it into soup or yogurt or something already sort of thick.

Nector brand protein powders come in fruit flavors in addition to the usual chocolate/vanilla/strawberry. The grapefruit was actually quite good, tart and natural tasting.  I ordered a bunch of that. 

When I look at the choices I have for the next 5 days I realize how picky I am.  I am supposed to have sugar free jello for dinner, but I don't like most jello flavors.  I know I can flavor up the broths to make them interesting and palatable, but I can't choke down chamomile tea.  Yuck. 

The first couple of days I can have "drinkable yogurt." I have yet to find any fat free versions, so I may have to go a bit off plan and use the low fat version.  And, of all things, grape juice is the other allowed item.  That I can do, I remember having grape juice and Lorna Doone cookies in the hospital after giving birth and it tasted wonderful!

I am down 14 of the 20 they wanted off pre-op - so I am right on track at 5 pounds a week.  The last couple of days I have been hungry but before that I have sailed through.  Wish me luck for this liquid diet - a new experience for me...

ADVENTURES IN SHOPPING

I have battled my weight since puberty.  During high school I worked really hard to keep it down and still felt like I was the big girl.  I wore a size 12 dress to my Senior Ball.  It was a beautiful, classic dress and my sister and even my mom borrowed it for events. 

I have kept it all these years and when Maggie was invited to a prom and didn't want to buy a new dress, I suggested she try it on - it's a wrap around in stretchy black jersey fabric making it easy for different sized women to wear it.  I was so shocked to see that it was too small for my size 8 daughter.  It was the first time I had run into "vanity sizing."

I am not hung up on sizing - I buy whatever size clothing I think fits best.  I am not one to wear my clothes tight and form fitting - I prefer to skim over my body and if I need to buy up a size, I do. (Maybe being hung up on clothing label size would have deterred me from gaining weight?)

Today I was reading some blogs and a woman who had weight loss surgery a couple of years ago said she is very surprised to find she's now a size 6.  She looked really great, not squeezed into a too small size.  Then I saw that she listed her weight as 154. The last time I weighed around 150 I was a size 14/16. In fact, that is the goal range I am hoping to get to.  So now I am going to be a size 6 or 8?  Cool. 

The interesting thing about this vanity sizing phenomena is that plus size clothes are not getting bigger.  In fact, many of the department store plus sizes seem to have shrunk down.  I buy most of my clothes online because of this.  I can get a 3x online that fits, but most 3x sizes in the stores don't fit!

In about 6 months my clothes shopping adventures are going to be interesting...

DOES FEAR HELP YOUR HEALTH?

After I wrote my last post I realized how much of my dietary habits have been born out of fear. 

I have the belief that " I choose" to order the salad instead of the pasta, I choose not to eat the bread. I choose the berries over the banana.  I choose no dessert. 

But when I read that I was happy that choosing to try the home made chips didn't trigger me to overeat. It hit me, am I making choices out of fear of getting "triggered" or slipping into bad habits?  It's not like I have ever been a big potato chip snacker.  How many other choices do I make because I am afraid? 

I turned down birthday cake at my own party because I had been sugar free for several months.  But really, that was fear. 

Does it matter why I am making the choices?  Is fear as good as any other motivation?

Is fear of getting fat or of triggering a binge or damaging health the way a lot of people stay healthy?

NO MORE BREAKS!



Site of many cocktails...

 We had a really nice trip to Yosemite last weekend.  It's funny how we occasionally slipped into talk of the future, post-surgery me.  Partly because I spoke aloud some of my "last time" thoughts.  Last time I would be drinking a rum and tonic or having wine with dinner (for at least 6-12 months). Last time I would try the bread put on the restaurant table - maybe forever.  And next time I would be able to hike longer without my knees hurting so much.

I admit I did a couple of things this anniversary trip that I have not done in YEARS. Now - get your mind out of the bedroom and back to the table...I actually ordered lunch with the homemade potato chips!  I always order the "healthier" side dish or ask for no side dish.  But homemade potato chips with BBQ seasoning?  I went for it. Actually,  I made the server take my plate away before I would eat them all.  They were amazing!  I'm glad I ordered them because as good as they were, as memorable as they were - eating them did not set off some sort of need to have more chips.  which is good to know. 

This is something I have admired about Cammy of Tippy Toe Diet.  She makes room in her plan for "treats" and they don't trigger her to  overeat.  Seems like I may be on my way to that, too. 

PASSPORT? CHECK!

Since I am traveling to Mexico for my weight loss surgery, I had to get a passport.  Gone are the days of my San Diego State youth when we took trips across the border to see the Jai Alai games or to buy cheap jewelry (I was not one to go down there to party - really, I wasn't) and then sit in line to get back across the border by showing our driver's license.

My first attempt to get the passport was denied because they didn't accept my birth certificate copy.  Back when I got a passport in the late 80's it was fine, but not anymore. So I had to get a new copy from Moscow Idaho were I was born, and start the process all over.  By then I was worried about the timing so I ended up spending even more money to expedite the order. 

It arrived yesterday.  Like everyone else, I hate my photo on it.  It is most unflattering. Even at my current weight I can take a better photo.  Oh, well.  Soon enough I won't look like the picture any more!

COUNTING DOWN THE DAYS

In twenty days I will be having my weight loss surgery.  Sometimes I feel so elated that I am surprised to hear others on the forums expressing their fears.  I know it is going to be painful and hard while recovering and I know it is going to be life changing but I feel as if I am being given a second chance.

This made me laugh.

My husband and I talked about it the other night.  He has now had time to absorb the idea and do a little of his own research.  We talked about some of the restrictions - beyond the pre-op diet I am currently following - he was pouting a bit about my not having cocktails when we were out.  We talked about how some people go through weight loss surgery and then don't change their habits or pay attention to the restrictions, which confounds me.  He said that in the 30 years he's known me I am such a healthy eater that he didn't think I will have a problem. Isn't it nice that he sees me that way? 

Many people assume if you are really big, like me, you must eat entire pizzas or order for 2 in the drive-thru and then eat it all. I have never been able to eat a lot at a sitting. Buffets are wasted on me. Plus, I hate to feel full.  I know I eat more than I should - even healthy foods have calories and they can add up.  I snack and nibble too much between meals.  I go on the occasional candy or baked goods bender.  But my new "plumbing" will prefer small meals through the day and the candy or whatever simple carbs I might want will give me gastric distress.  Good incentive to avoid them!

The duodenal switch surgery is the best for long term "getting back to normal" eating.  From what I can tell, the amounts remain small for life, the need to fill protein needs and take vitamins are first priority and the rest is pretty individual.  Some people can't tolerate dairy, some can, same with sweets and alcohol.  Some people even say their taste buds are different.  Foods they loved  don't taste good anymore.  Interesting how tied in all of our organs are!

So, 20 days to go.  I am down 7 of the 20 the surgeon wants me to lose, but I admit I am going to take a few days off from the protein drinks this weekend while we go to Yosemite for our 28th anniversary!