FEELING GOOD

Last night I got home from work and was making my usual cup of decaf tea to unwind before going to bed.  I realized that if I knew how to whistle, I'd be whistling a happy tune.  I felt good.  I felt no pain.  I felt like myself again.

Now this may sound really lame, but part of it was because the back pain is gone and the tightness is going away - but it was also because I came home to a clean floor.  I took my time and didn't do anything strenuous, but I swept, vacuumed and mopped the floors.  The pleasure of the clean floors was equal to my pleasure of having no pain!

GOING UNDER THE NEEDLE

I posted about my back issues on Mrs. Brightside.

FLAT ON MY BACK

Too bad I can't work in this position!

Today was the first day I have been out of my house in 6 days.  Eight days ago I woke up with spasms in my lower back which evolved into sciatic pain.  I tried to just work through it - but gave in and took to the couch with a fist full of drugs.

This is the first time since 1995, when I injured a disk, that I have had a recurrence of the sciatica.  It was different this time which is why I thought I could just work it out...I suspect I made it worse. I am back at work today.  A bit hunched over and trying to find good positions to stand and sit throughout my shift.  The doc said it will take a couple of weeks before they will consider the next level of treatment, which is steroids.  I didn't need them last time, I hope I am better before then this time, too!

BUTTON, BUTTTON

I have not made a big effort to weigh in or measure myself in the past week.  I have focused on my diet, tracking my calories, and getting out to exercise.

Tonight at work I buttoned my vest for the first time in a few months.  It's  a bit close fitting, but it buttons and that is a big step forward!  Next step, into the smaller size they ordered for me in error. 

THANKS!

My e-mail is giving me fits - nothing will leave the outbox.  So I will just say thank you for your kind wishes and offers to kick my butt.

It is much too soon to say I have turned that corner, but I have easily made it through another day, eating healthy, logging my foods and though I did not go to the gym I did some aerobic housework and went up and down the stirs several times just for good measure.

I feel more light hearted today.

Thanks again!

CONSISTENTLY INCONSISTENT

In the past few months I have not been able to figure out why I have been so inconsistent in so many areas of my life - but mostly in the diet and exercise department.

I have tried a few different approaches.  I have tried to get to the bottom of my feelings or fears or whatever emotional roadblock might be in place.  I have paid attention to my hunger.  I have eaten intuitively...boy that was a mistake - my intuition is heavily into Haagen Daz!*   I discovered a new, fabulous line of whole grain breads and feasted on several loaves of them.  I went for several days eating only fruit, veggies and a protein drink.  That went well and I don't even know why I stopped doing that.

I am at the point now that my work clothes don't fit.  I had to order a couple of shirts to wear out and about because most of my remaining clothes are too tight.  Somehow the "shame" of that hasn't even motivated me.

Neither has being the one to pay $100.00 a month for my gym membership gotten me to the gym more frequently. 

One of the reasons I stopped posting is because I feel so foolish when I look back at my ever so hopeful new plans which have not lasted.

The thing is that I don't know what the heck is going on with me and why I am allowing all the hard work of 2010 to be lost.  I just know I have to turn this corner somehow.  I want my integrity back.  I want to do what I say I will do.



*  I know that is not actually the way intuitive eating works - I was joking...

TRUE

A RARE EMPATHY

Then I realized that, for the first time, I got it. I truly understood the power food holds over anyone who's struggled with it. For me, the eating had felt so unimaginably good. It had felt like a warm blanket of comfort during 9 months of discomfort. It was what had kept me going as I deprived myself of every other vice that pregnancy refused me.

The quote above was lifted from a story on Jezabel, written by a pregnant woman.. Interesting that so few women who go through this remember that feeling and have the empathy to connect it with the feelings those of us who struggle with weight (while not pregnant!) might go through.

I am especially glad that she didn't end the story with how fast she worked off the pregnancy weight!

I EAT TOO MUCH - PART 102

I seem to have lost my blogging mojo when it comes to my dieting life.  I feel like all I do is come up with a new plan and then fall off and then avoid posting so I am not just going on and on about my stress and other issues which I seem to be powerless over.  I am told that I internalize everything that is going on in my life and then it turns around and comes out in rashes and overeating and insomnia and even, lately, in spending money I don't have.

So - blah-blah, me-me-me, stressity-stress, eat-eat.

I will say that I have made some improvements on my overeating, at least.  I am overeating fairly healthy foods.  I have been making chocolate covered almonds with dark chocolate* , very lightly covered with dark chocolate.  I only had one round with some nicely dense whole grain bread and then refrained from buying that again!  I am eating a LOT of fruit, especially watermelon, blueberries and apricots.  Oh, and Golden brand Zucchini Pancakes.  Very tasty and low cal and better than the ones I tried to make myself.  I have only had beef once and chicken twice since I last posted.  I found a lot of recipes using beans in things and have come up with some salad combinations of whole wheat pasta, beans and greens which is a good protein combination. 

I finally got the nerve to weigh myself and I am up 10 pounds from the last time I had the nerve to weigh myself in April.  That makes me about 23 pounds up from my lowest weight last summer.  Few of the clothes I kept from last summer fit me well but I have resisted buying more than a couple of tops. 

So that is the update.  The food is healthier, the amounts must come down.  A work in progress.




* Melt Dark Chocolate Chips in the microwave (about 1 minute on high) and mix in toasted almonds.  (I buy raw almonds and toast them in the oven at 350 for about 20 minutes.)  Stir until covered and then turn out on a waxed paper covered cookie sheet.  Put in frig until completely cooled, then break into pieces and store in frig or cool spot.  Figure your calories based on the amounts of chocolate and almonds you use.  From there you need to estimate your serving size.

NOW I AM TRYING A MANTRA

I have been doing pretty well on the Anti-Inflammatory eating plan.  I have had a couple of slip-slidey days and I am working out how to deal with those things which cause me to overeat and/or eat the "wrong" things.

Stress is the big one, .but  boredom is another.  Specifically boredom at work.  The other night I had plenty to eat in my little lunch bag.  But it was very quiet and very boring and I was wanting to fill up that time and fill up that void of nothing to do with food.  Tonight I didn't really bring enough to eat but I snagged some peanuts from the bar and got pleasantly filled up.  Did that stop me from wanting to eat?  No.

So I found myself saying  "You are not hungry.  This is not about food.  Food is not the answer."  Which is, of course the quote I have on my header!  So now I am reinforcing that little mantra by sharing it here. 

Shall we chant in unison?

 

WEIL FOOD PYRAMID

I have been using the Dr. Weil Anti-Infammatory Food Pyramid as a guide for changing my diet.  I didn't manage to hit all the marks this week because this all requires a lot of planning and preparation. 

I can report that I only had 2 eggs, 1 serving of chicken and several servings of salmon.  I had 3 servings of whole wheat pasta, 2 servings of brown rice and, as I thought might be an issue, 6 pieces of whole wheat bread.   Now that I put the bread in the freezer, it will be easier to curb those grab and go visits to the bread drawer!

I bought soy milk but that was the extent of my soy so far, I'm working on it.  I am not a tofu fan but I am going to see if I can find ways to add it to my diet.  I was a bit over on the dairy protein and way under on the beans & legumes.  I am good on the fruits and veggies.

So the problem is that  it's more work to get the protein into the proper range.  I went to the library and got a couple of cookbooks, so I will start trying recipes, including some with tofu and many with beans.

I think the biggest change is that I am off sugar and that I have gone out twice and have been fine finding and making good choices.  Even at the fair on Monday I got a grilled fish taco on a corn tortilla.  I really prefer flour tortillas and use whole wheat at home, but I ate the corn tortilla and it was fine.  I asked for no sauce and some extra cabbage on the taco and they were very nice about it. 

I sniffed my son's garlic fries but didn't eat one.  I would have liked the frozen lemonade (it was hot!) but I brought a container of iced tea and stuck with that.  The next time we went out I had a blackened salmon sandwich on a whole wheat bun.  It was great though looking at the bun I am not sure it was really whole wheat - next time out  I'll try the "lettuce as bun" version!

So I made it through a week and now I am gearing up for the long run.

SOMETHING INTERESTING IS HAPPENING

I am at heart a nurturing person.  Becoming wife and mother of 3 made me hyper aware of the needs of those family members - not to the total loss of my own needs, but the awareness was/is always there.

Since I decided to start this dietary plan, I have been thinking about my meals first.  I have been searching recipes and meal plans and went shopping today for a few things, including something to make for my husband's dinner.  (I take my dinner to work with me 5 days a week and usually make something for him to eat at home.)

I cruised the aisles a bit looking for some new things to add to my pantry, I picked up his Diet Coke since it was on sale, got some veggies and thumped a few watermelons before I gave up and decided to pick one up elsewhere tomorrow, then I checked out.

It was while I was in line that I realized that I had picked up some ingredients for my meal - but nothing for him.  Wow.  I didn't even turn around and go back to find something for him - I figured he could make a sandwich or order in or eat some leftovers or something.

I went home, sauteed some mushrooms and garlic in a bit of olive oil, combined that with some brown rice from the frig and added a couple spoons of Tikka Masala sauce.  Packed that with a peach and a couple bottles of water and off to work I went.

MY NEW CHALLENGE

I have been giving a lot of thought to making some changes to my diet.  Changes beyond the effort to lose weight.  I have been reading about how diet affects inflammation and since I have daily pain, discomfort and swelling from arthritis, it seems like a good idea to see if diet can help.  I take a lot of Advil, which is what I was told to do by the Physical Therapist, but it isn't working as well as it once did.

My understanding is that if this works for me, I will notice within a month so I am going to commit to a 6 week trial.  It will actually mean upping my carbs a bit and eating fish as my only meat protein.  I need to get focused on some bean recipes and it will take a lot of will power to up my veggies rather than eating too many whole grains - I do love my grains!

I have read conflicting opinions about dairy.  I think I will continue with the no-fat Greek yogurt and avoid anything else.  I am going to give soy beverages a try on my oatmeal.  I have also read conflicting things about tomatoes and potatoes -  I can't imagine giving up tomatoes (especially with all the basil growing in my yard!) so I will allow those and skip potatoes.

I am also going to track my meals and calories.  I have been given the challenge to write about my efforts - so this seems like the logical place.  So - that will be my focus over the next few weeks.

All that said, my research has also shown that the simple act of losing weight does a lot to relieve the symptoms of arthritis - especially in the areas where I have it - feet and knees.  So I am not unaware that the way I lose weight may not have any more impact than the simple fact of losing weight.  I am interested in pursuing a healthier approach, becoming more self-aware in my food choices and I hope that this experiment will be a good start to that goal.

A RECIPE TO SHARE

I have been stumbling along - some days on plan some days not so much.  I am in maintenance mode in that I am not gaining or losing weight - except that I need to lose about 75 pounds or so before I am actually, happily, in the position for maintenance!!

Anyway - with my schedule it has been important to have things I can make in advance to tuck into my bag for dinner at work.  I ran across a recipe for baked egg rolls and I thought it was a great way to get more veggies in and an easy, portable food for work.

I was showing my sister the recipe and then telling her all the changes I made to it.  She pointed out that I had changed the recipe completely - so I wrote down my version.

2 packs egg roll wrappers

1 package bagged coleslaw (the mix with carrots and red cabbage)

2 chicken breasts or other meat of your choice, minced small

1 bag or bunch fresh spinach

1 can water chestnuts, chopped

1 bunch green onions, sliced

2 or more cloves garlic

minced ginger

chopped cilantro, to taste

Sesame oil

Soy sauce

Heat a large, deep skillet or wok with a little bit of oil until hot.  Add the minced chicken and stir fry until no longer pink.  Add the minced garlic and ginger and about 3 T of soy sauce to chicken.  Then add chopped onions, water chestnuts, coleslaw and spinach.  Take off heat and mix together all the ingredients.  Add about 1 T sesame oil and cilantro if you like.

Let this mixture cool, stir it around to keep it from wilting too much.  Get a little bowl of water ready and take the wrappers out of the package.  The package has directions on how to fold and roll the egg rolls using a bit of water on the edge to help seal the little packet.  I use a serving spoon to scoop up about 1/4 cup of the mixture for each egg roll.

Roll up according to the directions and [place on a baking sheet which has been sprayed with vegetable or olive oil.  Roll them around so they are coated with he oil, or spray the tops before baking.  Leave room between each roll for the air to circulate while baking.

Bake at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, turn each roll over and bake for another 5-10 minutes until the rolls are turning a bit brown and crispy.  Cool on wire racks and then put in airtight containers in the frig.  They can also be frozen.  I like them cold from the frig, but they are also very good when crisped up in a toaster oven.  They can get a bit dry after a few days - so you may want to try them with the dipping sauce of your choice.

The way I make them I calculated the calorie count at about 93 calories each.

Of course this is the perfect kind of recipe to tweak and make your own with your favorite ingredients.  The original recipe called for shrimp and Oyster Sauce  - it was too fishy for me so I started experimenting. 

Let me know if you come up with an interesting version!

SPECIAL EVENTS

I read a quote by someone about the fact that we worry about what we are going to eat during the holidays when what we should really worry about is what we are eating the other 50 weeks of the year.  So true.  We do get very concerned about the opportunities to overindulge during special occasions.  Many people speak about being unwilling to give up the pleasures of rich restaurant meals, family favorites, desserts and cocktails - while  being bombarded by advice on the many ways we can avoid adding calories and pounds and still enjoy ourselves.  Yeah, right.
In truth, if we have been paying attention the rest of the year - is it really such a big deal to indulge during these special occasions?  Beyond the question of forbidden foods and falling off the wagon and all the other ways we label our behavior around food, I think the fear is that we just plain will not stop eating once we start!

In a way this is true of me.  There are so many foods I can ignore all around me much of the time.  I can eat out in a restaurant and not reach for the bread basket or the chips and salsa.  I can say no to dessert without a qualm, I can cheerfully choose the scrambled eggs over the french toast and navigate a buffet spread selecting the healthy items.  However...if I have made monkey bread for my family by request, I will pick at it all day until the tiny portion I served myself at breakfast has ballooned into hundreds of calories. 

While I don't have an "I blew it so I might as well eat (enter ridiculously high calorie food here)" attitude, I do notice that when I have allowed myself to take a vacation from calorie counting for a special occasion - it may take me days or even  weeks to get completely back on track.   

I think this will continue to happen unless I manage to get over my attachment to certain foods.  When I can pass on the foods which currently hold me in their thrall (like good bread) then I will be able to enjoy special events without them turning into breaks from my normal, more healthy, and yes, more restricted eating. 

But I've got to tell you - the Lemon Drop Martinis I had were so worth it, not to mention the tempura fried asparagus appetizer and the pear, caramelized onion and bleu cheese pizza and the bite of sticky toffee pudding and...well, you get the picture!

On the other hand, the photos of the last week do not show me looking the way I would like to look and my knees are giving me trouble.  I do understand that I need to be on the healthy eating and gym attendance routine in order to look and feel better when the next special occasion comes up.

WANDERING THE VALLEY

Well, I have not fallen off the face of the earth as my lack of posting would suggest - just fallen off the "good" path.  I suspect it can be tedious to read about all the reason we yo-yo types have for these periods of wandering in the valley of overindulgence. 

And overindulgence it is as I am so aware not only of the destruction of the hard work I have put in by gaining back what I have lost but worse yet is that I don't even feel good.  After just a few days of not eating sugar I can feel the inflammation in my knees and feet subsiding.  So why do I think eating chocolate or whatever the indulgence of the moment is makes me feel better?

I need to take to heart the quote on my header - If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer.  And one step further, food is not only the answer - eating what is wrong for me is causing a problem.

ANOTHER GOOD WEEK

Week 2 has continued well,  only 3 trips to the gym but the weather was so nice I was happily working at getting my outdoor mosaic area cleaned up and started a new project.  I have planned out some garden projects which I am buying plantings for today, my day off, and I will manage 5 trips to the gym this week now that things are in order.

I lost 3 pounds this week and can feel it in my work clothes.  No big revelations to discuss - just that I made Broccoli Salad which sustained me most of the week!

I am off to the garden center now...

CHECKING IN

Just a quick post to check in.

I am very proud of myself!  I have been completely ON.  I have tracked my foods everyday and kept my calories under 1500.  Been to the gym 4 times and have lost 3 pounds this week.

I treated myself to a mani-pedi and 1 cocktail when out to dinner.

More postings to come...but now I am preparing a nice dinner for my night off - salmon for the grill, broccoli salad and brown rice.

It finally stopped raining and I am going to take the dog for a long walk.

WILL POWER IN A MINE FIELD

What is there to say?  Yo Yo Me here.  Although when I got on the scale at the gym on Sunday and saw the upwards creep I was shocked and have been on track since.  I also had occasion to put on the old vest they gave me when I started my job in November and I can't button it.  Yikes.  So then I measured myself and I am many inches larger than I was in early November. 

Not good.  Not the direction I want to be going.  No, no, no.

I could do a show and tell ( but I won't because running around the lobby and office with a camera would be frowned upon) of all the temptations I am surrounded by every night I work and you would understand.  Bowls of candy, trays of pastries and cookie jars which I must keep stocked also popcorn and these amazing flavored peanuts in the bar.  And yes, there are bowls of fruit, too. 

I bring my nice healthy dinner each night and drink lots of water and green tea.  The majority of the time I am not tempted.  I am busy or  good at distracting myself.  It is just those nights that I slip, I can't even say what it is that happens or why some times I am just so hungry and nothing fills me up.

I have always had extraordinary "will power."  I realize at some point after the summer I just stopped having the will.  Now I need to summon it up again.  Times are tough but I need to get tougher!

I AM A YO-YO

I never thought of myself as a yo-yo dieter because I would stick with a diet and lose weight,  then over a period of years gain it back and start again.  That would make me a very slow motion yo-yo, at best!  So although I have gained and lost over and over the past 20 some odd years, I didn't label myself that way.

Now it is different.  I have been going up and down over and over in the past 7 months or so.  Repeatedly and quickly in true yo-yo style.  I know that there is this trend to say that dieting somehow causes this.  I don't use diet in that way - I just think it is a bit phony and forced to use other terms.  Dieting means staying on a healthy plan.  No dieting, for me, means overeating and eating the wrong foods.  I have no problem with being "on a diet" for life because it is the best way for me to eat mindfully.

What I want is to deal with those things which compel me to eat poorly. Especially stress and to some degree depression.  Stress makes me anxious, eating sooths me.  Depression is the loss of  a sense of worth which I also sooth with "treats."  If the general overeating and eating of sweets and breads, etc. didn't work so well, I may have turned to drugs or alcohol for my solace. What this tells me is that it is time to make a greater effort to deal with the issues which bring on this behaviour so I can stop being such a yo-yo.

DIET MYTHOLOGY

Myth Buster #7

Myth: You can spot-reduce to lose weight.

Fact: On the contrary, the way to achieve sleeker legs or a flatter stomach, if that's where you're carrying your body fat, is to increase your lean muscle tissue throughout your body. By working all your muscles, you increase your metabolism. Up your metabolism and watch your eating, and you'll start looking the way you want to.

This was one of the "Fitness Myths" on a website I clicked on today. Though the idea was to "bust" the myth - I think they have just proven that anyone can get their body to "look the way you want to" is the biggest lie yet. No matter how hard I ever worked, my body never   looked the way I wanted it to because I wanted to have slim thighs and a small butt!

In my day bootylicious was not the ideal - I had a body like Beyonce and was considered fat.  No one asked me to dance in the clubs, they asked my skinny friends with hips like little boys. 

 No amount of diet and exercise was going to make me look like Farrah! 

The reality is that ideal body types come and go, just like fashion. To some degree JLo, Beyonce and Kim Kardashian have made the girls who are have womanly curves acceptable to society in a way we weren't for many years.

They are proof that women don't have to look like boys with boobs to be attractive and that is great - except for the girls who look like boys with boobs who now wish they had "junk in their trunks" and are padding themselves up or going in for dangerous cosmetic procedures to make their bodies look  "the way they want to look."

We come in all sizes and shapes and no amount of diet and exercise is going to make us look the same - or look like something we are not genetically made to be. 

So - Diet Myth # 7 isn't about looking like we want to look - it is about looking the best we can  - whether it is in style or not.

BUILDING A ROUTINE

I finally updated my statistics to show my yo-yo activity of the past few months.  I hated putting a gain for December because I had started off so strong and had been losing until the end of the month when it all reversed! 

Working 5 days a week is really helping me stay on track.  I have breakfast and a good sized lunch and then pack my dinner to take with me to work at 3.  This keeps me out of the kitchen during the hours I am most likely to snack and otherwise run my calories up.  I have gotten past feeling hungry when I get home after 11 by breaking my dinner into 2 parts and having the second part around 8 pm.  Then when I get home a cup of tea is enough to help me relax before bed. 

Lately I have been relying on the "protein pretzels" from Lifestyle for part of my dinner.  I can dip them into hummus or eat them with some string cheese or Laughing Cow soft cheese.  I have a couple of carrots and celery sticks and a little tomato and I am full.  My second dinner break favorite has been 1/2 cup each of strawberries and vanilla Greek yogurt -   kind of like a dessert.

I have been managing my calories at 1200-1350, and I am back to losing 2 pounds a week.  Next step is to up the exercise intensity and hope my knees continue to feel strong.

Plus, 2 more days and I get a manicure!

CHECK THE TOES

Next carrot is a manicure - I hardly ever go in for those so it would be a real treat.  I am saving my pennies and calories for that.  One week on plan plus 5 gym visits and my cuticles will be as happy as my toes.

CARROTS

Even with good news on the job front, I am not out of the grip of all the stress.  I am still having a good day or two and then lapsing back into "carb loading" which is just another way of saying stress eating.  So now I am hanging out the carrots - you know, the carrots in front of the nose of the donkey to make the stubborn ole thing get a move on?  Those carrots.

I have been wanting to get a pedicure for a couple of weeks.  I have put aside the mere $20.00 I need to do it.  I  have made a deal with myself that I will go as soon as I manage 3 days in a row on plan including 2 days of exercise.

The stress is not going away.  At least not any time soon.  I have to find ways to manage it without overeating/eating the wrong foods. I am hoping that these carrot driven deals will help.  (Otherwise my toenails are going to poke hole through all my socks!*)

I have a really big carrot in mind when I go a month straight - I am going to use a housecleaning service!


*And yes, I know I can trim my own toenails...

A NEW START

What is it about being given a new chance, a change, that gets us all revved up and making resolutions?  I have not been posting because I have been  living in such a misery of financial issues and  the stress of job hunting, interviewing, waiting, worrying.  Letting myself down by overeating and not exercising even though I know it is counterproductive.

I finally got a job offer - or at least a "two week trial" for a full time position.  The uncertainty of it and our financial need made it clear I would keep the weekend job - so I would be commuting to the one position 5 days a week, keeping me away from home from 7 am until 5:45 pm.  and then working 3-11 on Saturday and Sunday. 

This weekend I had committed to work from noon until 11 to help a coworker.  I was a bit sorry when I saw that the weather was supposed to be (and was) beautiful and warm - but when I added that to having worked at the new job and going back out on Monday morning at 7 am I was worried about being at my best.

But when I came to work at the hotel I was offered a full time job - someone had given notice!  While there are some pluses to the other job - the commute is such a huge negative (and the fact that it shuts me out from working with my sister in the staging business for extra income,) really makes it no contest.  So I am going to be able to finally have a full time job with benefits with time to do other things, like go to the gym and see people and have flexibility.

So I am looking out at the lovely day  and thinking of all the things I will be able to do in the days to come - promising that I will actually do them and not get caught up in misery and depression and let time go by - not let time be wasted. 

WEIGHT GOES DOWN - SIZE GOES UP

While shopping for a home staging client, I fell prey to one of the dangers of being in Marshall's, Ross and other discount stores - I shopped for myself.  I flipped through the 2 racks of Plus Sized clothes (always the smallest and saddest section of these stores) and came up with 3 tops to try on. 
That day I was wearing one of my old favorite shirts - a pin tucked denim shirt with a v-neck.  It is comfy but it really is too big on me now, I was even wearing a t-shirt under it.  It is a size 2X from Woman Within.   The tops I was going to try on were knits and by eye I could tell I needed to try them in 3X. 

Not one of those shirts fit.  They were too tight, and not just at the hip, where I know I am larger than the average woman.  (I have always had an "hourglass" figure - not busty but I have always had a small waist except now I carry more weight on my stomach and so the hip/stomach area is my hard to fit part.)

I wasn't looking for anything special, no occasion coming up demanding new clothes or anything.  But I must admit to some chagrin that I have lost over 50 pounds and I can't fit into a size LARGER than the one I am wearing!

When I was a young woman, there were no size 0 or 1 clothes.  I wore a beautiful size 12 dress to my Senior Ball.  I still have it.  My mom and sisters have borrowed it over the years because it is such a classic style.  When my daughter needed a dress for an event and we didn't really want to spend money on yet another dress, I suggested she try it on just to see if she liked it enough to wear it.

At that time she was a serious athlete, very strong and fit and she wore size 8 clothes.  She tried on my dress and it was too small.  I was dumbfounded.   It was my first introduction to how much manufacturers have changed the sizes over the years - vanity sizing they call it.

So my question is - if most women's sizes are cut bigger than they used to be...why are plus sizes being cut smaller?  I know there are inconsistencies between designers and fabric types and all that, but has anyone else experienced this?

THE LESSON OF THE DAY

"...constant stress can make losing weight more difficult than it needs to be. Research shows that chronic stress can affect your metabolism, promoting fat storage, and increasing cravings for sugary, high-fat “comfort foods."

This was the message in my Spark People e-mail this morning.  The article was about stress from weight loss expectations, but stress from any source can cause the same issues, as I well know.  The last 7 weeks have wrecked havoc on my psyche and it certainly shows in my weight. 

The article goes on to say "determination for weight loss despite high stress in other areas of your life may indicate that you don’t fully appreciate the difficulties of trying to lose weight, or the importance of modifying your weight loss expectations when other aspects of life become difficult. Sometimes, just holding your own and not gaining (or regaining) weight is a very significant accomplishment!"

That's nice, but when it comes down to it, the stress in my life is not going away anytime soon.  And the fact is, it has been going on for almost 8 years now and has certainly contributed to the significant amount of weight I need to lose in the first place.  So holding steady until it passes isn't really an option I want to accept.

What I see that I need to do is to have more things in place to turn to when the stress ratchets up, as it has in the past couple of months.  Something more helpful than peanut butter cups, that is!

Another article I jumped to said "...eating when stressed is a somewhat learned behavior. Yes, there is brain chemistry involved, but over time, we can rewire our brains to not let stress affect our eating and energy levels."    and  "Then when you're faced with stress, take a few deep breaths, recognize the stress for what it is, and try to deal with the stressor as calmly and effectively as you can. If you have cravings remind yourself that your body's hormones are being tricked and this too shall pass."

This is the area where I have difficulty.  I don't always recognise that I am reacting negatively to increased stress until I have succumbed to cravings.  I need to have more stress reduction activites in place so that I can increase my self awareness and my ability to fight off the negative and destructive ways I try to deal with it.

So I take back my earlier complaint about all the Spark People e-mails - this one was very helpful!

ME, FEELING

Under my surface of calm are the layers of chaos.  Like the duck moving smoothly over the water with feet paddling like crazy underneath.  When all the stress and unresolved feelings build up and I feel threatened by them, then I stuff them down, smooth them over by putting my focus on eating instead.  I am not sure when I started behaving this way, I know that the last 10 years it has become a damaging cycle of behaviour.

I can't believe this is how my life turned out.  We really didn't do anything wrong.  We just didn't, somehow,  do it right.  We are in bad financial situation and I am frustrated and upset and freaking out.

I have written and re-written this post a dozen times in the last week.  I am at turns angry and whiny and at all times feeling sorry for myself - so I have deleted most of it.  It serves no purpose. Life isn't fair.  Bla, bla, bla.

I am pulling myself together and getting back to the gym and healthy eating because not doing so has not helped.  I know that.  When I managed to get myself quiet and face what was going on I could see that right away.  I slipped back to the old response to stress so smoothly that I hardly knew I had done it until I was in deep.  Especially because it all started over the holidays!

My pants feel tight, I am jiggly and can tell by climbing the stairs that I have lost my aerobic gains.  It is all fixable.  Just got to get back to it.  I've done it before.

WHAT'S UP

Stressed out of my mind here.  Holding on by the fingernails.  Trying hard to maintain.  More in a few days...

PLAN FOR ANOTHER DAY

I am a person who plans things out.  Especially when it comes to my time,  I look at the week ahead of me and take in many factors and map it out.  Tom has been met with the "fish eye" on more than one occasion when he mentioned the night before that he wanted to use my car the next day - because, of course, I would have planned my week differently if I had known I would be saddled with the biggest truck in the world on any given day.  I pretty much stay home when I have that vehicle at my disposal...

We have been having lousy weather (for NorCal anyway) for a few months. ( I know, I have turned into a whiner about it.)  So when it was forecast that today was going to be the nicest, warmest, sunniest day of this week - I planned around it.  I have to plant 6 big flower pots for our home staging job on Friday, some other outdoor chores and poor Hilda has not been out for a walk in ages (her bad back does poorly in the cold); then there is that new resolution and pedometer.



A younger, more spry version of Hilda!

 Today dawned as frosty and foggy as the other days this week but I was hopeful that the sun would indeed come out.  Hoping, hoping, piling on layers of clothing, hoping...the sun finally peeked through at about 2:30.  I went out to plant but I kept having to come inside to warm my hands and there was no way I could take little Hilda out when the temperature is 43 degrees rather than the promised 60 degrees.

So it has been a day of frustrations, fits and starts on my to-do list.  I have only managed 5500 steps so I am going to have to get out on my own and hope that there is a warmer day before the rain starts so Hilda can trot along with me.

WALKING IS RESOLUTION ONE

One of the things I plan to do this year is to walk more.  I did the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer many years ago and although I found walking the very long distances pretty boring, the walking itself was really good for me.  I did the 60 plus mile walk in 2 days with no more damage than some blisters and blackened toe nails!

I wish I had the wonderful trail system my sisters have where they live, or a waterfront walk like Cammy enjoys.  A short drive takes me to a few parks to avoid the tedium of suburban neighborhoods - so I shouldn't bemoan what I don't have and enjoy the fact that there is not snow on the ground here!

I pulled out my pedometer today to start counting my steps toward the recommended 10,000 per day - but the battery is dead!

I am walking out the door to buy batteries right now...

NEW YEAR - NEW NUMBERS ON THE SCALE

I think I mentioned on my other blog that there was one of those gift exchanges at work where you could pick a gift or "steal" one from someone else.  The manager bought all the gifts and there was a wide array of things.  I was up second and pulled out a 15 pound box of See's Candy!  I knew I would not be going home with that - but what I did end up going home with was a scale!

Now it may seem odd that I do not already own a scale, but the one I had for years wound up in the garage for weighing eBay packages and then...well, I don't know what happened to it.  I always weigh in at the gym, on the same scale.  I found out that different scales at the gym weigh me differently - so I always stick with the one scale.  I weigh with my shoes on at the end of my work-out.  I have no idea if this is the ideal time to find out my weight - I am more interested in downward movement of the number than the number itself.

So the new home scale is very fancy.  It allegedly does body analysis in addition to weight.  All I know is the first time I stepped on the scale I had suddenly  achieved the weight I was in my 20's!  I thought "well this scale certainly needs an adjustment" and then I saw the little kg on the readout.  Oh.  Metric weight.  I ran downstairs to google the conversion and was happy that it showed I was in the range I expected. 

But now no amount of manual reading and button pushing will change the damn thing over to pounds and I doubt that I am going to learn the metric system at this point of my life!  I may as well put this one in the garage, too.