1 YEAR SURGIVERSARY

A year ago today I was in Mexicali, Mexico.  I was spending the night in a hotel after finishing some tests  Dr. Alberto Aceves was my surgeon.  He and all of his staff are very thorough, helpful and accessible.  The care I received was excellent and I would recommend the option of undergoing bariatric surgery with him in Mexico to anyone.
and interviews with the Bariatric surgeons at the Hospital Almater.

My experience with weight loss surgery has been chronicled here in the past year.  I did great in the hospital but after a week or or at home I started having some problems with tolerating foods.  I went as slowly as I could introducing different soft foods and then more options into my diet to meet my nutrition and protein needs - I had a difficult time for about 3 months but slowly found the foods and vitamins that worked for me.  There was, and in some ways still is, a certain sameness to what I eat each day.  I remained as patient as I could and put up with bouts of nausea and gastric distress when I strayed from what my body could handle. Having those outcomes in mind makes it a lot easier to stay on the straight and narrow - believe me!

My weight loss has been quite swift and I suppose to people around me, pretty shocking. My kids never knew me at the size I am now - for my husband it was a distant memory!

 It may seem like fast = easy.  In some ways I guess it has been.  When you have a physical barrier to overeating it does make it "easier."  Though I've worked  hard to do it right:  get my vitamins, protein, liquids and exercise - just like all the other times I have "dieted."  Except now this is my life and not a diet I can safely stray away from on a whim.  To maintain lifelong health - I have to stick with these requirements.

I am proud that I have done so well in this first year and I believe I can safely maintain my new found healthy weight and lifestyle.

I want to thank my good friend Christina for making this possible and all my friends and family who have been cheering me on!

STILL ME AFTER LOSING (ALMOST) HALF OF ME

Since I met my goal weight  (I actually dipped under it by about 7 pounds and then gained back 3) - more people have been commenting about how I look.  I take it as confirmation that the weight goal I set is correct as most people are saying how "tiny" I look.  In a world full of women trying to wear size 2-6, I seem to be around a size 10 and apparently look good at this size.

I say apparently because, as odd as it may sound, I thought I looked pretty good when I was 135 pounds heavier. I mean. I know I was obese, but somehow I just never thought I looked especially bad.  I have shown my "before" photo to a couple of people at work who didn't know me before my weight loss and they were so shocked.  Then I can see it, as if through their eyes - the huge difference in then and now.  But in my mind; in my memory I feel pretty much the same.

Don't get me wrong.  This has been life changing in so many ways and I am glad I did it and believe I will maintain my healthier weight.  However - I am not changed.

We celebrated our 29th anniversary this week.  I put a photo from our wedding up on my other blog. When I looked at that picture,  I can honestly say I don't know how my size now compares to then.  I guess it is a form of body dismorphia that I can't grasp my own appearance as others do.  My wedding dress is stored in the closet and I think I will take it out and try it on!  That will tell me something, for sure.

I know many women dislike this and that about their appearance, and I have not loved all of me all my life.  I am lucky, though, that I was never obsessed with my faults and flaws and now that I have exchanged a lot of pounds for a lot of baggy and saggy bits I can accept the exchange and carry on.

A YEAR OF LOSS - NOW MAINTENANCE

I am now a year from the start of my weight loss.   Last year I was on my pre-op liquid only diet for the
week leading up to my BPD-DS weight loss surgery. I was asked to lose 20 pounds in the month between the time I scheduled my surgery and when it occurred - and I did it.  A lot of people said why did I need surgery if I could lose 20 pounds in a month?  Clearly people who were not aware of just how many times I had lost that 20 pounds (or 80 pounds) and gained it back!!

I reached my goal to lose 130 pounds last month.  I am working on a maintenance diet now - I lost a few pounds and gained a few - so I guess I am doing it right.  My latest labs are just coming back and I see I still need to work on my supplements and protein intake - that's why we keep up with the labs every 3 months.  Even though I can eat more, my body is still adjusting to these changes and I need to keep my awareness up with regard to what it needs to remain healthy.

I made a mistake in switching to a different potassium supplement - the quality must not have been good because my potassium really dropped down, even though I was taking it every day.  I went right out and got the one my doctor prescribed.

I am still struggling with my protein intake.  The same old song.  I feel like I eat all day long and still can't get enough grams of protein in.  I am going to have to get more creative.

If I get too heavy on the carb side of the food pyramid,  my body certainly reminds me.  No just the gassy kind of reminder, but I get diarrhea, too.  I don't mean to get gross, but simply to inform as I know there are people wanting to get the real picture of this whole life changing surgery.  While I can carefully and selectively eat carbs - there is a consequence of going too far!

 I am happy to say that I get to enjoy a few cocktails when we go out.  Wine is hard on my stomach and I can't drink enough of it to get tipsy - but a good martini goes down easily and has yet to give me grief!

I have been getting to the gym less which is not ideal.  I need to get back  to  weight workouts.  I know that building muscle is important and will make me feel and look better, too.

We ride bikes every weekend and I can tell I am stronger and faster as time goes by.  We also started taking dance lessons - Western Swing dancing to be specific.  Two nights a week we are dancing for a couple of hours.  Fun, good exercise and another great activity for us to do together.

So that's the physical side of things - more on the emotional side coming up.

GOAL

I have mentioned that I have been close to my original weight loss goal for or some time.  My weight has been fluctuating and hovering just above that goal number but this weekend I got on the scale and found I had reached it.  Goooaaaalll!

When I was on vacation my sister was having me try clothes on from her closet - a new experience for me.  She gave me some capri pants and I wore her swimsuit for a couple of days.  Mine is still a big old plus size one.  swim suits are just so expensive and I didn't want to invest in one until I am at a stable size... We also tried on clothes at a consignment shop and I bought a few things in smaller sizes than I ever thought I would wear.  Pretty cool.

 I am now actively working to keep my weight at the current level.  Not just because my husband is calling me bony butt (we both miss my former JLo-ness) but because I think I have lost enough.  I have a lot of extra skin and a pretty major poochy lower stomach which can all be covered effectively with clothing.  I don't want to go further and get beyond my current "issues."  My sister is very into me getting plastic surgery to remove the excess skin (and weight) but it isn't something I am interested in spending money on in the foreseeable future.

I also can't keep buying new clothes!  I mean, I like shopping and buying clothes, I always have.  But now I want to buy clothes which will last in my wardrobe.  I  have too many things I have bought and worn a few times and now find are too big.  I am looking for a local consignment store (with a better attitude than than the ones in my town which are very snobby) and hope to make some trades with my too big clothes.

This week will be 10 months since weight loss surgery.  I continue to increase my capacity to eat but still have to be careful not to eat too fast or too much. I still count my protein every single day and aim for 100 grams.  I am vigilant about taking my vitamins.  I am exercising.

I had my first real cookie last week and had no problem with the carbs backfiring on me.  That will not be an everyday occurrence but it is nice to know I can indulge now and then with no major ill effects.  I am also enjoying a cocktail or two most weekends and used some Advil this weekend with no stomach upset.  So the things I was promised would heal and become more "normal" have happened.

Now I am adding more fruits, vegetables and whole grains back into my diet.  When I was in Idaho I bought some Huckleberry Jam at the Farmer's Market and have been using it on my peanut butter sandwiches - heaven! So sad it is almost gone...

TRAVELING SLIM

I went on a trip which involved 3 airplane rides.  It is the first timeI traveled since I lost 130 pounds and boy is it a different experience. This time it was my luggage that was overweight!

 When I traveled by air I was never shaped so that I had to request a seat belt extender.  I did prefer being able to lift the arm between the seats to give my bottom more room.  Which was fine on a plane with no one next to me or a family member who didn't mind sharing a little extra space.  But there were a number of flights in my life where I was very crammed in and working hard throughout the flight to keep myself in my own space.

The other thing is the tray table.  I could use it if the person in front of me didn't recline. I didn't have much room to maneuver, but I could get it down and put a drink and a book on it.

The hardest thing of all was walking down the aisle.  Not the walking kinda sideways part; I am pretty graceful no matter my size.  No, it was the fellow passengers watching me approach with that "don't even think about sitting next to me and taking up my space" look.

This trip no one glared at me, I had no problem fitting the seat, using the tray table and was, frankly, surprised by how roomy my seat was.

It was a revelation to me to feel comfortable on a plane. I made a pledge to myself that if I sit next to a large person in a future flight I will raise the seat divider and do my best to make the trip pleasant for us both.

9 MONTH "SURGAVERSARY"

Today it is 9 months since I had my BPD-DS weight loss surgery.  I have lost 126 pounds and am 4 pounds from my original goal.  I think back to the day I went to Mexico and remember being excited - not nervous at all.  I was sure this was the right thing to do then and so grateful that I had the opportunity to have it done. (Thanks Christina.)

Tom and I went for a bike ride last Sunday and as we were leaving a neighbor I don't often see came over and asked if I was "disappearing". Like many others she asked how I was doing it and I said diet and exercise.  I feel right saying that - I am dieting and exercising.  The surgery was a tool.  My tiny stomach makes me eat less and I am very careful about what I eat.  I am more open with some people about the procedure and answer direct questions more factually - but for most people I simply say I don't eat much and that is the truth.

I occasionally want to say something to obese women I see, especially the ones out and about with their kids.  This has been such a liberation for me and I wish I could confer it on others.  I don't say anything to these women but I wish I could find a way to let them know the value of this, and if their insurance would cover it (unlike mine) urge them to consider it.  I wish I had been able to have it done years ago.

It is not easy.  There is no easy.  But as difficult as things are sometimes and as restrictive as my diet can be, I am so happy that I had the surgery.

NEW GOAL?

I have been amazed and humbled by how fast I have lost so much weight.  I have always had to work so hard for weight loss - no matter how low my calories and high my exercise level, it has always been a struggle.

October 2012 I had already lost almost 20 lbs pre-op.

Now not quite 9 months since surgery and I am down 126 pounds.  Today I updated my "weight loss ticker" and see I am 4 pounds from my original goal and am wondering what my new goal should be.

 I am already focused on my fitness, so that continues to be something I want to challenge.  I had a great meeting with a trainer and got a whole bunch of new stuff to work on.  Tom and I did  25 miles on the bikes today and it was so easy -  now I need to see if I can do more hilly rides to challenge myself (I had to walk the bike up one hill today...)

But the weight thing, I am not sure about.  I have not been especially weight focused through life because I have always "weighed more" than I look.  Maybe aiming for a clothing size?  I am not all that attached to being a certain size but it was a bit of a thrill to buy a pair of size 12 capri pants.  Most of the things I have been buying are 14 or a large, but I have a couple of mediums, now, too.   I was a 12 when I got married and even though size 12 is bigger now than it was then - hey - a size 12 is cool with me!

July 4, 2013

Some people do lose more weight after this surgery than they plan on.  I really hope I will not be one of the people who end up having an issue with that.  I am noticing every week now that I can eat more at a sitting and make an effort to add more fruits and veggies to my daily meals in addition to the required protein.

I try to add fat where I can, too.  Sounds funny in this fat phobic world, but I need more fat since I only absorb about 40% of what I eat.  Fat is good for hair, skin, digestion and vitamin absorption.

This morning we went out to breakfast on our bike ride and I had 1 egg with some cheese scrambled in and 2 1/2 slices of bacon.  I was amazed I could eat all that!  I couldn't last month.  So if I keep this up I should be able to stop the weight loss and start the life long maintenance of my new, healthier bod.

A BARIATRIC SURGEON SPEAKS OUT - NOT THE EASY WAY OUT

I just read this great article written by a Bariatric Surgeon.  He is tired of people commenting about his profession - that he is an "enabler" for lazy, unmotivated fat people taking the "easy way" out of obesity.

He lists not only the difficulties of losing weight and maintaining that loss, the hoops people have to jump through to even get surgery and the fact that the AMA this year has declared obesity a disease and not just the cause of other diseases.

As a life long exerciser, a healthy eater and someone with knowledge of nutrition and of my own psychological issues - I can attest that it is not just a matter of eating less and exercising more.  Yes, for many people there is an issue with eating poorly and not exercising.  For many more of us it is far beyond that simple formula.  No one can really explain all the factors involved but the medical researchers are gaining awareness of the multiplicity of factors which affect different people.

Just as some people can smoke cigarettes all their lives and not get lung cancer, some people live long lives on a high fat diet and others drop dead in their 30's following a spartan diet and running marathons.  None of it is simple.

I had wanted to try weight loss surgery for over 10 years before I was given the opportunity.  As soon as I was aware of the Duodenal Switch I knew it was the solution for me.  I have never been a volume eater.  I have generally been a healthy eater - yes I have binged like pretty much anyone, for the most part I have been eating a high protein, low carb diet for 15 years so I knew I could maintain the dietary requirements.  When people "fail" following weight loss surgery and gain weight, it is probably because they didn't learn enough or know themselves well enough to commit to what it takes to be successful.

The surgery is a tool, not the final solution to the problem.  After all, we still have to eat!

8 MONTHS POST BPD-DS WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

I am just past the 8 month mark following my surgery.  I have lost 120 pounds.  I bought a size 12 Land's End dress last week.  I haven't worn a 12 in over 20 years!

I am fairly settled in to my routine.  I gave a good system for keeping track of my vitamins and supplements.  I get all of them in pretty much every day. 

I also have a good routine for my protein requirements.  I have a small breakfast before work, usually something added to Greek Yogurt (5-10 g).  Then on the drive to work I get a protein drink started and finish it at my desk (30g). I munch on a protein bar during the morning (20-30g).  I am especially happy I found Quest Bars because they have such a great variety of flavors. (I am so very sick of fake chocolate and peanut butter flavored stuff.)

Lunch can be a challenge because I am usually pretty full from the drink and bar; so I have something small like some almonds and cheese or leftovers (5-10g).  Then another snack at my desk later in the afternoon, like protein chips, sunflower seeds or more nuts (5-12g). 

Dinner varies a lot.  If my protein is on the high side I relax and don't worry about stuffing something down.  Today I needed another boost so I made my taco salad mostly  ground beef beans and avocado. I'll probably have another protein bar or drink this evening to get to my 90 grams of protein.

I do find that the evening is hard for me, my stomach is much more fussy at the end of the day so I find I graze a bit in order to find what feels right going down. Also I notice by evening, my stomach will not tolerate a lot of food.  We went out the other night and all I could eat was  3 shrimp.  Then I  waited a couple of hours and had 2 more from my "doggie bag."

My family is concerned that I am not eating veggies and fruits - I do eat a few bites of salad greens, broccoli, spinach or other veggies most days.  I indulge my love of fruit more often eating berries and grapefruit every day.  This week I have had some watermelon and peaches, too.

Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to keep up with the protein requirements in the long haul - I hope that my stomach capacity will grow so I can get more of my protein from food rather than supplemental drinks and bars.  For the time being I am very mindful and just do what it takes!

OBSERVATIONS ON MAJOR WEIGHT LOSS



May 2012 with my Maggie



I have had some interesting interactions with people about my weight loss in recent weeks.  I have now lost about 117 pounds and while many people who have known me for a long time are very complimentary, I have not received any of the comments I am told others hear all the time.  No one I have encountered has suggested they didn't recognise me. People like checkers at the store where I have shopped for years or the woman at the dry cleaners have not said a word about my transformation.  I guess my world isn't as interactive as reported by many "big losers."

At book club an old friend took me aside and said she was worried I was losing too much weight.  I said to her that I was almost at my goal weight and that the weight loss had actually slowed down considerably. 


June 2013



She admonished me to be careful as I was looking "too skinny."  When I pointed out to her that I am wearing a size 14 - which thrills me, but isn't exactly skinny a few other book club members entered the room.  They looked kind of shocked.  I think because they are probably size 2-4's and would agree that size 14 is nothing to brag about!!

Today I went in for a hair cut and my stylist said something interesting.  (We have known each other for over 13 years.  She used to do my nails, too, back in the days I had acrylics - so we have spent a lot of time together over the years.)  She said that while my weight never seemed to define me, that she could see I had "come into myself" by losing it.  I thought that was very interesting, especially as my daughter had said something similar a week  before.

In many ways I didn't let my size limit or define me, but there are aspects that can't be gotten around, in which  we ARE defined by obesity.  It is interesting that others can see that weight loss has freed me of those undefined, but real barriers.

And if I stay a size 14, I am fine with that.  Actually, I am more than fine with that!

ELASTIC, SPANDEX AND SLEEVES

I miss elastic waist pants. It was so much easier and faster getting in and out of the ladies room when that was my usual pant option. 

I know there is a lot of negativity around elastic waist pants - it's harder to recognise when you are putting on the pounds being the main objection; that they are not stylish being the second one.  For ease of wear - they were nice.  Now I have all kinds of fastening and buttoning and zipping everytime I make a trip to the ladies room. After so many years of slipping pants down and up in a single motion, it seems so time consuming.


Wish they would lengthen the sleeves!



I don't miss the limited clothing selection I had for years.  My daughter commented that she is enjoying seeing me express myself more through my clothes.  We went shopping together and I am getting more accustomed to having multiple departments to move through in search of things I need to fill in my wardrobe.  I don't really understand why there are so many departments with pretty much the same things being displayed, but I am getting used to it. 

I even bought a couple of pairs of work out pants at Costco.  Taking Zumba class is very different than just working out with weights and I need more supportive spandexy pants to sort of hold things in check.  New workout bras have helped, too.

My single frustration is the sleeves thing.  Losing over 100 pounds has left me in no position to leave my arms uncovered.  I have a lot of baggy, saggy skin going on and sleeves to my elbows are my preference.  For the gym I have worn shorter sleeved tee shirts, but I am not comfortable with the sleeveless or cap sleeve options most workout tops come in.  Luckily I have found a few long sleeved tops and shorted the sleeves for bike riding.  Gym wear is more challenging.

Seven Months Post Op Weight Loss Surgery

This week I enter my seventh month since my BPD-DS surgery.  I have lost 113 pounds. I've been working hard on my supplements and my protein intake which was slightly deficient in my 6 month labs.

This means I rely on pre-made protein drinks and bars for 60 plus of the 90-100 grams of protein I need each day.  Right now I am enjoying the Premier Protein drinks and bars and can buy them in bulk at Costco.

There is such a disconnect between the reality of trying to eat 100 grams of protein a day (with a stomach roughly the size of a banana) and what people think - including my doctor who e-mailed me a note about increasing my protein.  He pointed out that there are 7 grams of protein in a meat or cheese serving roughly the size of a pack of cards.  Apparently he didn't think about how many of those servings I would have to eat to reach 90-100 grams a day! 

My little treats and beyond protein extras are things like a few bites of strawberries, raspberries, broccoli, spinach, tomatoes, salads and this weekend - 1/2 of a scooped out potato skin.  Woohoo!

I'm tired of eating the same lunches over and over so I searched the store this weekend for some new ideas and found a bread  from Alvarado St. Bakery which is 15 carbs per slice with 5 grams of protein.  It is pretty dry, but since I can eat mayo to my heart's content, I slathered some on a slice, added some mustard and 4 oz of cheese.  Tomorrow morning I am going to toast a slice and put almond butter on it for breakfast!  Pretty exciting stuff!

ONE HUNDRED AND TEN FREAKING POUNDS GONE!

I have never been a skinny girl but I have apparently lost the weight of one off of my body. Wow. 


This model claims to weigh 110 pounds - I lost the equivilant of her...)


I am now 6 and a half months post op from BPD-DS bariatric surgery. I have lost 90 pound post-op and a total of 110 pounds since mid-September when I found my doctors and was scheduled for surgery. They said "lose 20 pounds in the month before surgery" so I did. 

As mentioned in a previous post, I had my 6 month lab tests done and there were just 2 tweaks.  I added a separate Vit A supplement because even though my dose was big from the 2 supplements which included it, my Vit A levels were low.  Also, my protein levels needed to be boosted as my "pre-albumin levels were slightly low."  I had been aiming for 80 plus grams a day but now I aim for more like 100 grams.

I am tolerating more foods, but still not much volume.  For instance, I ate a string cheese stick and some almonds for lunch today.  For several lunches  latelyI have enjoyed little "Caprese" salads made of 2 oz whole milk mozzarella, a very small cut up tomato, fresh basil and olive oil.  It's the perfect size for my stomach.  My breakfast lately has been  between 1/4 and 1/3 cup Greek yogurt with 2 sliced strawberries. I snack on almonds, sunflower seeds and peanut butter stuffed celery.

I eat those little meals and snacks every two hours (which is hard to do some days at work) but it doesn't add up to 100 protein grams.  So I supplement - each mid-morning I have a 30 gram protein drink and mid-afternoon I have a 20 or 30 gram protein bar.  If I am coming up short at the end of the day, I do my best to add something else.

Between the little meals, snacks and my vitamins, I am "eating" all day!  I don't have much variety or opportunities to eat anything other than protein foods, but I am certainly not hungry!

6 MONTHS SINCE SURGERY - LABS

I am now at 6 months post op from my BPD-DS surgery.  I am not sure of my weight today.  I was last on the scale 4 days ago and was holding at 103 pounds gone. Weight loss has seriously sloooowed down.

On Tuesday they took 10 vials of blood for my 6 month labs.  The results so far are all excellent. My potassium supplement is working and my Folic Acid went way up, so the added B vits are working, too. I have stuck with my chewables and am not having any stomach upsets as long as I am careful to drink lots of water with the potassium.

Eating is getting easier.  I am much better at judging my capacity, though tonight we went out to celebrate my new job and I ate about 2 bites too many.  I knew it and ate it anyway.  Sigh.  I need to listen to myself and not be so concerned with "wasting" food in restaurants.  Anyway, it was delicious pancetta wrapped shrimp which was char grilled and taking 1 shrimp home would have been a better choice than the upset stomach I have now had for 2 hours!

My new job keeps me very busy and so it is going to be more of a challenge to eat during the day.  I am sure I will get a new routine  down with time.  I do think I will need to eat my solid breakfast at home and drink my protein drink at work.

Exercise is going well.  Still 3-4 trips to the gym and at least one bike outing each week.

PLAYING WITH FIRE

All of us who have battled weight have our demons, our bad habits and our weaknesses.  While I have always enjoyed what is generally a very healthy diet, I ate more than my body could metabolize.  Too much 9 grain bread is going to cause weight gain just as sure as too many trips to Baskin & Robbins. 

My weaknesses have always been carbs.  Carbs both complex like multi-grain and brown rice and simple like things made with sugar.  When researching weight loss surgeries, I was very well informed about what a successful post-op diet would require.  High protein and very low carb.  I have done that eating plan before and know it works for me.

Having those guidelines to live by also makes it easier to plan and make good choices when dining out.  It is really simple once you wrap your head around it.  No breads, no rice, pasta, potatoes,  no flour, no sugar, etc. If you want to really get crazy with it you can read labels and cut out all kinds of things with added sugars or a little breading but I have been successful sticking with the big items and not sweating the teaspoon of catsup or the breading on a chicken cutlet.

Having said all that, and knowing that most people who have done the BPD-DS surgery cannot tolerate simple carbs without great gastric distress - I have been trying little bits and bites of carbs to see what will happen.  At first it was simple curiosity: what will happen if I eat some popcorn?  A bite of the cheesecake everyone is sharing after dinner? Or a piece of toast?  A few peanut M&Ms? How about some frozen yogurt?

Well, turns out the toast just didn't taste good, the popcorn was actually ok if I just ate a cup or two, the Peanut M&Ms and the single bite of cheesecake caused no problems but the froyo (the no added sugar kind) did give me a problem. So, apparently, I am going to be one of those DSers who can eat some sugar and some carbs and not blow up or spend "quality time" in the bathroom.

I do not subscribe to this belief!  So I will have to be very careful...

Uh oh.

I suppose it is inevitable that I was going to try stuff that is "off limits." After all, I have sipped some wine and had a cocktail  (I am supposed to be avoiding alcohol for a year.)  The issue is now that I know I am not going to explode if I eat a little bit of some of these foods, it is going to take the kind of discipline that I know I have but is so easy to let slide, to keep on the good path and not derail my commitment.

I still read some forums about weight loss surgery and I know that people backslide and gain weight - even with the serious changes my surgery wrought on my body - it can be circumvented by seriously bad eating.

It is up to me.

SHOPPING FOR THE SMALLER ME

"My clothes were hanging off me, but clothes shopping was overwhelming now. How was I supposed to go into a store with four stories full of clothing that I could fit into? All my previous shopping experiences had taken place within in the confines of a 16-by-16 foot store with limited selection."

I ran across that quote from a woman who had weight loss surgery and has written a book about it.  I wish I had kept the link along with the quote - because now I can't find it.  Anyhow - I totally relate.

I have always loved clothes and have complained for years that the designers and stores must hate us fat people because if there is an ugly fabric to be found - that is what they make our clothes with.  And the embellishments!  They stick rhinestones and puffy paint and all kinds of crap on the awful printed shirts.  The theory being it takes attention away from the size?  Big + shiny is not a good combination, in my opinion.

Then I got too fat to buy clothes in the stores and had to resort to online shopping.  You would think getting too big for Lane Bryant might curb one's appetite - but it didn't. At least there was more variety to be found and I could sort through the dozens of websites and find simple, classic clothing.  Sometimes the clothes arrived and the fabrics were terrible.  (I had a couple of shirts that felt like paper products.)  I had to learn which brands had consistent sizing and put up with shipping and return costs, but all in all I have maintained a decent wardrobe. 

I have always been complimented on my style and appearance;  told repeatedly that I don't "look that big" which I always attributed to my careful wardrobe.  I wouldn't wear things when they got too tight and the online clothes were inexpensive enough for me to update frequently. 

Now I am in a position to change things up a lot.  I still have about 25 pounds to my goal weight and I will continue to have major problem areas which will need camouflage.  When I went out to "real" stores a couple of weeks ago I was overwhelmed by the selection and prices and unhappy to find that most of the clothes were too small, still.  Sizing has gone nuts in the last 20 years!

I did find a few things to buy and reverted right back to my "preppy" style.  For instance, today (it is 80 flippin' degrees here)  I am wearing navy capri's and flats and an orange and white striped boatneck tee.  Yesterday I wore black pants, a black and white stripped tee, a black cardigan and black & white flats.  I bought 4 classic cotton shirts in blue, red & white stripe, white and yellow.

I am now in the smallest size offered in my favorite online store, and the prices are so much less than in the mall, so I am ordering a bunch of tee shirts to wear with cardigans and capri's to get through the Spring and then take another foray into the mall.

My sisters sigh over the fact that I wear red and black and the occasional other color - and I always have. I felt a little defensive when I was showing off my new outfits because I feel like I have other colors, too - but they are right.  I wear classic styles and classic colors for the most part and will likely stick with them for my new wardrobe.

Do you have your signature style?  Or do you mix it up and follow trends?

102 POUNDS LOST



100 pounds of fat - kinda gross shown this way...

 Finally made it past the 100 pound mark - have I talked enough about it? Sorry.  These numbers start carrying so much importance.  When I was young and trying to look hot my best I always thought 125 was a magic number.  I made it and maintained it for only a few weeks and, surprise!, nothing magical happened.  The scale moved back to my more comfortable 130 and that was where I continued to work hard to stay.

Now my goal is to be at 150.  I think I can do that by summer based on the rate of weight loss I am currently experiencing.

I know 150 sounds like a lot.  I was present when someone I know was weighed at 150 and I gave her a little cheer.  She looked at me like I was crazy!  I explained that was my goal weight.  She understood but still acted like I was undershooting by a lot.

This weekend was a weird one.  I had two meals which were of my normal tiny portions but felt sick after.  Sunday I mostly snacked all day because I felt hungry but couldn't eat more than a few bites at a time.  I made an effort to get my vitamins in this weekend, but didn't make my protein requirements (meaning I was under 90-120g.)  Today, Monday, I am already feeling better and have gotten 50g before noon! 

Day by day.

BEFORE AND NOW PHOTOS

I say before and now because I have not reached goal weight - still have about 30 pounds to go!

Spring 2012

                                                                        
                                                                           Spring 2013

STALLED ON THE BRINK

For two weeks I have been waiting for those 2 pounds to drop.  When that happens,  I

will have lost 100 pounds since I started my BPD-DS journey.

It has come to this.  I have stalled.  It always happens.  It happens to most people on weight loss plans.  Our bodies settle in, find equilibrium or whatever it is called.  That and I am probably eating too many carbs. 

I love fruit and have gone from eating very small amounts of grapefruit or berries a couple of times a week to munching on grapes and mango and even some kiwi. Sigh.

I also bought some whole wheat bread for my daughter when she was home and ate 2 pieces of it, toasted, with peanut butter and honey.  Now the bread has been sent to live in the freezer until the next time she comes home.

Further transgressions came in the form of Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds from Sprouts.  Even though I only had 5-8 per day, they are now banished. I bought them after I tasted a sample, then I checked out the nutritional info on the website and there is more added sugar than I expected considering the taste and that it is made with dark chocolate.  A deceptive little treat.

The last sin against my low carb diet is - I made risotto.  And it was good.  I could only eat about half a cup of it, including the added chicken and arugula - but we are talking white rice here. 

So for the past two weeks all I have lost is more hair! 

I have learned my lesson - back to logging all my meals and snacks on Sparkpeople. I'll hit the scale again next week.

STOP FRETTING OVER FAT - SUGAR IS THE KILLER

Dr. Nancy Appleton, author of Suicide by Sugar, actually lists 146 reasons why sugar is ruining your health. Here are just a few of them:

(1) Sugar is a cancer cell's favorite food. Even without having cancer, we all have a few cancer cells floating around.

(2) Sugar creates glucose spikes that force the pancreas to produce insulin more often and beyond it's normal capacity. This wears the pancreas down, limiting insulin production that leads to diabetes. Type II diabetes is insulin resistance, which is preceded by metabolic syndrome at least partly attributable to high sugar intake.

(3) A depleted pancreas can't provide sufficient proteolytic enzymes to bust open cancer cell walls and render them defenseless from the immune system's killer cells.

(4) Processed sugar and fructose are stripped of all mineral content and wind up leeching minerals from our bodies, including our teeth. They also inhibit mineral absorption, including magnesium. Magnesium is a commonly deficient and vitally important for over 300 metabolic processes.

(5) Sugar is addictive. It stimulates central nervous system neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin, giving you a pleasant buzz to crave more and promote overeating of processed foods.

(6) Many nutritional experts attribute the rise of obesity and cardiac problems to higher refined carbohydrate and sugar consumption. And the condensed fructose in HFCS is absorbed first by the liver, which cannot metabolize it all and has to store accumulated fructose as fat creating fatty liver.

Obesity, diabetes, and heart disease became epidemic after low and no fat diets were introduced while sugar and HFCS were increased in processed foods and beverages.

Chobani Blueberry Greek Yogurt

When manufacturers took out the fat from many of our foods, they added sugar to make up for the flavor and texture that was lost.  For example, (and this is a great illustration) read the labels on the non-fat yogurts we all think are so healthy.  They are full of sugar!  Just try to find a flavored yogurt on the market that has little or no sugar...

And honey?  That's sugar, don't let the name of the sugar fool you.  There are now dozens of names for sugars.  Read the Carb portion of the label to get the totals,  the ingredient list can be misleading.

5 MONTHS POST - OP BPS-DS WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

Or maybe some sugar free protein ice cream...

I am now at the 5 month mark and have lost so much more weight than I expected in this time frame.  I am down nearly 100 pounds already. I really didn't expect this.  My weight this month has been slower to come off - in fact it bounces up and down a bit but I think I will make it to the 100 pound mark by the end of the month or at most the first week of April.
I am going to the gym 3-4 times a week and have been going on weekend bike rides.  I am walking most weekdays at lunch for 10-20 minutes.  Hurray Spring weather.

I have been bad about logging my food for the last few weeks - but good about my vitamins and water.  The potassium supplement is still awful and I have missed it a few days here and there due to my desire to avoid gagging memory lapses.  I will do my next set of labs in late April.

I am experiencing hair loss.  I noticed about a month ago that the hair loss was creeping up.  I had a hair cut and my stylist confirmed it.  I am lucky that it is pretty evenly distributed and not leaving bald spots.  I take the appropriate supplements and will continue to use Nioxin shampoo - it is just part of the deal for over half of us who have weight loss surgery.

I calculated my BMI and I am very close to moving out of the "obese" category and into the "overweight" one.  I suspect I will never get into the normal range but that's okay with me - the trainer at my gym is borderline "obese" according to BMI and I wouldn't mind looking like her one bit!

THE SLOW DOWN



One of my favorite snacks. Even better than on bread or crackers!!

 My weight loss has really slowed down in the past month.  I went from losing 5 pounds a week, to 3 pounds and now I am at 2 pounds which is pretty much what I managed pre-op on a good diet with lots of exercise.  This brings me to the point where I need to be much more mindful of all of my food choices.

For those who think that weight loss surgery is a magic bullet and you can eat whatever you want afterwards - forget that!!  It is a tool.  A really big, helpful tool, but only that.  The human element still factors in every single day.  (Something my co-worker can't understand because he is always trying to get me to eat stuff like donuts he brings in.  Friday he brought me a croissant thinking that was a better choice than a donut.  Sigh.)

Now I need to stop adding that little spoonful of brown rice to my dinner, and skip the potato in the pot roast, add Splenda to the coleslaw dressing instead of sugar.  The carbs need to be monitored much more closely.  The big plus for me to giving up bread and sugar is that I don't have to be concerned with fat* - so I picked up some brie to add to my lunch and used full fat mayo when I made deviled eggs yesterday!

In fact, a tip I learned onone of the DS forums was to add whipped cream to greek yogurt to cut the aftertaste and up the fat. I find it impossible to find full fat yogurt anywhere and I feel lucky when I find 2% instead of non-fat. 

The thing people don't realize in all their fat fearing frenzy is that the food companies fill in the flavor lost by taking the fat out by adding sugar.  So the non-fat Fage I just bought has 38g of carbs!!  This is simple vanilla yogurt - no fruit added to up the carbs. Sugar is a MUCH bigger problem in our diets than fat and it is added in everywhere, especially where the fat has been reduced out. 


*Actually, I really need the fat to help with my dry skin and hair.

TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL

I have been getting such nice compliments on my weight loss lately from family (they can get their arms all around me when we hug) and acquaintances  (how much more gracefully I am walking and moving around) and co-workers ( how much skinnier am I going to get?)

Each time I am in a situation where someone notices and comments, I have the dilemma many of us who have used weight loss surgery to help our transformation have:  To tell or not to tell.

I did discuss the surgery with most of my family and with my co-workers.  They were the ones who would know I was gone for a week and going through recovery and with whom I wanted to be able to discuss the whole process.  The rest of the world - I don't feel the same obligation to discuss it.  I have lost and gained a lot of weight over the past 30 years and I didn't discuss the specifics - why now?

Of course, when asked point blank, I can't seem to manage a diversion (lie) so I explain the type of surgery I had.  I am not sure if those few people have taken it upon themselves to spill the beans to others.  For instance, I had not planned to tell the book club since I was not attending meetings for the several months during the time I had surgery - so I just returned about 60 pounds lighter. One member knows, I don't know if she told others.

No one in my neighborhood or grocery store or other local haunts has asked and I haven't told.  I think the reality is that most people don't even realize when someone else is losing weight - no matter how quickly.  At some point it registers but they don't have a sense of how long the weight loss has been in progress, so it doesn't seem unusual.  I have lost nearly 100 pounds since August - in 7.5 months.  But people didn't "see" it until just the last couple of months. 

I don't feel embarrassed by what I chose, I just know people can be very judgemental and I am not interested in experiencing that any more than I already have in my life.  I still have major restrictions on what I eat and how I have to support my nutrition, the additional tool I have used to get to this point is my business.

MAKING CHOICES

I had a job interview after work today and Tom offered to take me out to dinner.  I realize from the foods he is craving and wanting to have when we go out that he is missing some of the pasta dishes I used to make!

I ordered an appetizer, which is my new entree these days.  Two nice fat crab cakes arrived.  I ate about 3/4 of one of them and took the other one home to have for lunch tomorrow!  Sometimes I am frustrated by how little I can eat.  That old "mouth hunger" is still there and something I need to be mindful of because as time goes by, my stomach will be able to handle more food.  I am lucky that I had already been well educated about and for the most part living with a high protein/low carb diet.  For many people it is a big learning curve - so different from what they have been taught about the best way to lose weight.

In many ways it is so much easier to make good choices when there are specific limits in place, things that are good and others that are bad.  For me, tracking my foods with limits or levels in mind for my carbs, fats, proteins, etc. gives me that structure to work within. 

Tom and I went to the Farmer's Market the other day and he stopped by a bakery stand to get something and was upset that I wasn't going to get something, too.  But I knew I would be able to find a snack that worked for me and just a few stands away I bought a packet of almonds which I enjoyed. In the past I would have felt let down that I "couldn't have" a yummy pastry, but right now I am happy with the better choice for my health and my goals.

DOWN 10 MORE

This is hard to explain but sometimes I worry that I will just keep losing weight until I disappear.

Don't take that to mean this weight loss is easy.  It isn't.  I work hard to meet my nutritional needs every day.  I have to take a lot of nasty vitamins and supplements 4 times a day. My diet doesn't have a lot of variety and while I am experiencing more hunger, most of the foods that sound good are off the table either because they are carb heavy or because when I go to eat them they don't taste good or feel good in my stomach.

I am loving being down 90 pounds!!  I am actually down  119 pounds from my highest weight a couple of years ago. I intend to lose at least 40 more.  Maybe 60 more.  That would get me to the weight I worked really hard to maintain in my 20's, so it seems unrealistic - but maybe not!

I had a good session with the trainer at they gym and have a long list of exercises geared to make me stronger and, with any luck, help fill in and take up some of the slack skin.

I don't think I'll disappear - but I am working to be a new, improved model of myself.

TYPICAL DAYS

 I mentioned in my last post that I would list a typical day or two of eating at 4 months post op.

I start each day with about 1/4 cup of grape juice with my potassium supplement mixed in.  Then I usually have a protein hot chocolate and a protein bar.  I make my own and I have an assortment of them from different companies. I try to make sure they are at least 10 g of protein. So usually my breakfast is between 20-30 g protein.

This is what the taro one looked like!

Mid-morning I have a snack, right now I am enjoying Trader Joes Protein Banana Muffins - 7 g protein but 22 g carbs, so I don't eat them too often! Otherwise I might have some sunflower seeds, nuts or finish my protein bar from breakfast.

Lunch is when I get the most variety and opportunity to experiment.  Costco had a good price on Bay Shrimp so I bought a few pounds and portioned them into baggies and put them in the freezer.  If I take one out the night before, it is thawed enough to add some chopped celery, mayo and seasonings.  I have been putting it in a container with 1/2 avocado and it makes a great lunch with some Wonderslim crackers - 19 g protein. I also look for soups with higher protein and add the protein pretzels or crackers to up my intake.

The other day my boss took me to lunch at a Dim Sum place (I managed to get a customer to finally pay off a $10,000. bill he had owned since last April!) I had almost 4 pieces of Dim Sum.  I am terrible about the names, but one was shrimp in a translucent wrapper, two were minced shrimp and pork dumplings and one was taro with something in the middle.  It was great and I was thrilled that I could eat so much.  I suspect the "wrappers" added up carb wise - but what the heck.  It was a treat!

In the afternoon I sometimes have a protein bar/chips depending on how much I ate for lunch and when I managed to take a lunch break.

Dinner, for some reason, is the meal that I have trouble with.  By the end of the day I am hungry but my stomach is easily upset.  I usually have a small portion of chicken and few bites of veggies.  One recent dinner I added about 1/4 of a potato skin (potatoes scooped out but with butter and salt!)  I have been trying out a lot of recipes from low carb cookbooks to expand my dinner menus. If my protein isn't adding up to 90-120 g for the day, I have a protein drink or another protein hot chocolate.

For a treat, I love to have my red grapefruit sections.  The other night I was wanting something different so I melted some semi-sweet chocolate chips and put roasted almonds in the melted chocolate, spread them out on wax paper to harden and broke them into pieces.  A few of these nuts is a nice treat with hot tea at the end of the day.

4 MONTHS POST - OP WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

Next week I will be 4 months out from my surgery. I basically feel much more "normal" in that I am not so tired, I am exercising and I can eat a larger variety of foods.  My weight is already down 63 pounds since the surgery and 83 total.

What follows may be TMI for many people, but as I know I have readers looking for info on the post-op experience from the BPD-DS, I may get a bit personal!

I had purchased the 60 day DS kit of vitamins and recommended supplements from Vitalady before the surgery, but whenever I tried to take them I threw up.  The chewables have gotten me through as I healed but I am trying out the "real" stuff this week.   I have 4 packets to take each day, they need to be taken with food in my stomach (I learned that lesson the hard way when I waited too long after dinner to take them the other night.)  Since they are capsules and tablets of all sizes and shapes, it does take many, many sips and swallows to get them all down.  Difficult to manage.  Then comes all the burping and stomach discomfort. Everyone says it gets easier and I am counting on that but I really miss the ease of the chewables!

My doc had me go back to the lab to re-test all the areas where I was low, especially the potassium and I am all good now!  In fact, I went in on Saturday morning, sailed through the lab quite quickly, walked over to radiology and lucked into a walk-in appointment for my mammogram.  Wow - what a great difference having smaller and less dense breasts makes for that particular annual event! 

I am adding  (I can't believe I am saying this knowing how hard it is to take all the stuff I am taking now) a pro-biotic to my regimen to try to get my bowels in order.  I know that all the diarrhea I have been experiencing is not good for maintaining my good nutrition levels and I have read that the pro-biotics can help. I am not sure what is causing the bowel issues.  I keep my dairy pretty low.  I am afraid it may be the salads which is sad because I so enjoyed having them.  I promised myself I would not have one this week to test it out - so we'll see.

Otherwise, I am tolerating meats much better, I even had some thin slices of rare skirt steak the other night.  Eggs still make me gag as do homemade protein drinks.  I need to be VERY mindful when I am eating to go slow.  I usually violate this when I am eating at my desk at work - I get pain from stomach to throat which feel like the food is stuck.  It takes 15-20 minutes to subside. If it happens at home I can lay down which helps.

My portions are still in the 1/2 cup per meal range so I rely on high protein snacks to boost my protein up to the 100 g range each day.  I will post some food logs later in the week to show what I am eating and how it all adds up.

CLAVICLES

I was washing the dishes tonight and saw my reflection in the window.  I could clearly see my clavicles.  I have not seen them in years.  They aren't too pronounced yet - but clearly there.

Wow.

BRA SHOPPING - I DIDN'T NEED TO SEE THAT

For the past month or so I have put off shopping for new bras.  As we know, gaining and losing weight are bra shopping occasions and I have lost a lot of boobage.

I went out this weekend and was professionally measured.  My bra size didn't change all that much, but I was probably wearing them too small in the first place.  I tried on about 15 bras at Penny's and not one fit.  I went down the mall to Lane Bryant and tried about 7 more.  None fit.

I was a distressed and sweaty person so I went home.

The reality is this.  I have a lot of loose, saggy skin hanging around my armpits. It needs to be contained.  And those padded, push up bras make my breasts look puckery.  Not a good look.  I like a simple, unpadded bra.  I don't care if my nipples might show.  When did everyone get all weird about nipples?

I was disheartened and tried to explain to my husband why I came home in such a state.  He was really sorry he asked.  He didn't want to think about the saggy, armpit skin thing.  Ever.

I braved another shopping trip this evening and got lucky at Kohls.  The key to dealing with sudden weight loss saggy stuff is an Olga bra. There were several of them that fit very well and managed to manage the flesh.  Plus they were BOGO1/2 off.  Nice since I suspect I'll need new ones again in a couple of months.

ONEDERLAND



Not past this sort of attitude - but on my way...

 My body is in onederland.

That is fat speak for making it out of the 200 pound range into the 199 and lower range! 

It is the promised land for many of us.  And a place I have not seen since the early 1990's.  Now let's see if I can make it to a weight I have not seen since the 1980's...

3 MONTHS POST OP WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY

I finally hit the 3 months mark this week.  I don't know why it feels like such a milestone, but it does.  I guess it is the point where most post-op's feel more settled in, get the labs done and the mystery of how the body is handling things is illuminated.

I feel settled in some ways, but my bowels are still a daily question.  I have been trying to decide if I am lactose intolerant and can't determine an answer.  I have yet to determine the issues behind the days I am in the bathroom repeatedly vs. the more normal days.

I managed to eat two bites of beef stew meat* but then last night some roasted chicken upset my stomach.  I can only eat a couple of bites of egg and many foods still set off my gag reflex.  One day I can eat smoked salmon with a little cream cheese and the next day I can't.  I did have a couple of salads this week - it was so great to have that fresh, clean crunch again.  The salads may have been behind the gastric distress - but they were worth it! So each day is still an adventure.

The small amounts I can eat also pose issues.  I made a batch of "protein pancakes" on Sunday.  The entire  batch is a serving - 6 little pancakes.  I could eat 2.  So the breakfast I had hoped would be 19 grams of protein was only 6.

I finally got my special order potassium supplement from the pharmacy and started it on Friday.  It is just awful stuff.  "Fruit flavored" stuff to mix into water or whatever and it is sour and gross.  I experimented with adding it to different things this weekend with little success.  It is going to be a hard thing to take every single day...

But I am focused on the pleasures.  My grapefruit, more salads, a little pile of sunflower seeds I munch at my desk.  Not to mention that I am down 78 pounds.  My closet is pretty empty and I can't even believe the stuff in there fits me - it all looks so small!



* I make all kinds of things for my husband's dinner, including beef which is not yet advised post-op.  I tasted a couple of bites for tenderness...

A COMPLIMENT?

I went to a meeting last night for the new business I am starting.  I saved a seat for my friend and was keeping an eye out for her arrival.

I missed seeing her come in the door but saw her approach from the other direction.  Apparently she didn't recognise me when she came in.  I asked her if I really looked so different - she gave me an "are you kidding me?" look.

It is hard to see it in ourselves.  I certainly see it in my clothes,  most of which are hanging off me or new.  I feel it when I am putting lotion on after a shower; seems like every week I feel new bones emerging.  I even noticed that my behind hurt after a long drive - that big ole' cushion is missing!

But to look so different that someone who has known me for 10 years had trouble picking me out in a crowd?  Wow.

AN OLD LOVE IS BACK IN THE DIET

One of the many things I did to prepare for my weight loss surgery was to get off the prescription drugs I had been taking for atypical migraine and for high blood pressure.  Those medications restricted me from eating grapefruit - which I have always adored.  So for about 13 years I have not had grapefruit - until today. 

I was in the produce section of the store and saw these little cartons of red grapefruit (unsweetened) and it suddenly came to me that I could eat it again!  I bought one little container to see how I tolerated it, and it was heaven.  I thought about it all day and stopped on the way home and bought a big container - equivalent to 10 grapefruits. 

I just had some more for dessert!

LABS ARE BACK!

I got my labs back already and all but one thing is in the normal range. My potassium is very low and he doc has prescribed an additional supplement for me.

So what does it mean to have a potassium deficiency or Hypokalemia?  I looked it up:

 A medical condition in which our body fails to retain the amount of potassium required for its day-to-day functioning is called potassium deficiency or hypokalemia. This deficiency of potassium in body can be fatal considering it has a crucial role to play in various body functions - all of which are bound to be affected by the lack of this mineral in the body.

Fortunately my levels, while low, have not persisted long enough for me to have most of the possible symptoms or side-effects, which include:

• Myalgia (muscle pain), muscular weakness and cramps.
• Cardiac arrhythmia i.e. abnormal rate of muscle contractions in the heart.
• Unexplained fatigue and weakness
• Hyponatremia, which may or may not be accompanied by anxiety.
• Impairs nerve transmission and deteriorated nervous system, which, in turn, results in confusion and delirium.
• Skin related problems such as blistering, skin eruptions, dryness of skin, acne, etc.
• Temporary memory loss or other problems like weak memory, difficulty in concentration, etc.
• Sleeplessness and irritability
• Intestinal or lung paralysis
• Heart related problems, such as heart deterioration.
• Increase the risk of high blood pressure
• Ringing noise in the ear at times

I have had very dry skin since the surgery, other than that, some sleepless nights and irritability but nothing I haven't experienced before!  No unusual muscle pain but I do think I have been slow to recover from my new work-outs. I am off BP meds but my blood pressure is down to the high/normal range.  So this should protect my heart health, too.

 One of the great fears of making this great change to my physiology has been that I would loose not only weight but my health. I am thrilled that all the other areas tested were in normal ranges and that an additional supplement will help with this issue.