CHECKING IN

Just a quick post to check in.

I am very proud of myself!  I have been completely ON.  I have tracked my foods everyday and kept my calories under 1500.  Been to the gym 4 times and have lost 3 pounds this week.

I treated myself to a mani-pedi and 1 cocktail when out to dinner.

More postings to come...but now I am preparing a nice dinner for my night off - salmon for the grill, broccoli salad and brown rice.

It finally stopped raining and I am going to take the dog for a long walk.

WILL POWER IN A MINE FIELD

What is there to say?  Yo Yo Me here.  Although when I got on the scale at the gym on Sunday and saw the upwards creep I was shocked and have been on track since.  I also had occasion to put on the old vest they gave me when I started my job in November and I can't button it.  Yikes.  So then I measured myself and I am many inches larger than I was in early November. 

Not good.  Not the direction I want to be going.  No, no, no.

I could do a show and tell ( but I won't because running around the lobby and office with a camera would be frowned upon) of all the temptations I am surrounded by every night I work and you would understand.  Bowls of candy, trays of pastries and cookie jars which I must keep stocked also popcorn and these amazing flavored peanuts in the bar.  And yes, there are bowls of fruit, too. 

I bring my nice healthy dinner each night and drink lots of water and green tea.  The majority of the time I am not tempted.  I am busy or  good at distracting myself.  It is just those nights that I slip, I can't even say what it is that happens or why some times I am just so hungry and nothing fills me up.

I have always had extraordinary "will power."  I realize at some point after the summer I just stopped having the will.  Now I need to summon it up again.  Times are tough but I need to get tougher!

I AM A YO-YO

I never thought of myself as a yo-yo dieter because I would stick with a diet and lose weight,  then over a period of years gain it back and start again.  That would make me a very slow motion yo-yo, at best!  So although I have gained and lost over and over the past 20 some odd years, I didn't label myself that way.

Now it is different.  I have been going up and down over and over in the past 7 months or so.  Repeatedly and quickly in true yo-yo style.  I know that there is this trend to say that dieting somehow causes this.  I don't use diet in that way - I just think it is a bit phony and forced to use other terms.  Dieting means staying on a healthy plan.  No dieting, for me, means overeating and eating the wrong foods.  I have no problem with being "on a diet" for life because it is the best way for me to eat mindfully.

What I want is to deal with those things which compel me to eat poorly. Especially stress and to some degree depression.  Stress makes me anxious, eating sooths me.  Depression is the loss of  a sense of worth which I also sooth with "treats."  If the general overeating and eating of sweets and breads, etc. didn't work so well, I may have turned to drugs or alcohol for my solace. What this tells me is that it is time to make a greater effort to deal with the issues which bring on this behaviour so I can stop being such a yo-yo.